𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬

Chapter four

(There's a song you can listen to while reading)

Brisbane, 2015

- Niki !!

- Stay still Rae !

I could feel his fingers sliding through my hair, gently untangling each strand. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him, amazed at how hard he was trying not to hurt me. I had looked up at him, trying to get a glimpse of the mystery in his soul. I could see the sincerity in his eyes, the depth of his emotions. What had I done to deserve him ?

- You did well I said in a mocking tone teasing him

- Be careful what you say he said as he approached

- I'm kidding ! I said as I stroked his hair gently, enjoying its silky softness

- Want to go on a walk ?

- Whoever comes out last buys the ice cream i said while running

- You think I won't catch you ?

The sound of our footsteps echoed in the night air. It was one of those moments when everything seems to be in the right place, when the stars are aligned and the worries of the world disappear.

I knew that making me happy was a top priority for him. I tended to think I was so hard to love, but he was always there to show me how easy it was. I didn't always understand why he tried so hard for me, why he sacrificed so much of his time and energy to see me smile. He could see in me what I couldn't see in myself. Sometimes I wonder if he is the psychologist or I am.

I think that God knows my struggles so he sent him to me. I turned to him, trying to catch his eye in the darkness. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, how meant he was to me, how he had changed my life. But words failed again. Instead, I simply took his hand, feeling his warmth, his reassuring presence. I think sometimes words are not necessary. I had never experienced this before, this deep connection that went beyond words and gestures.

I'm not good at love I've never really expressed my feelings to anyone, it's always been difficult for me that's why I always give my patients the time they need to express themselves. Niki knows me way too well sometimes even more than I know myself. this must be what love is all about. he introduced me to love in a good way but that's how all relationships should work right? how many patients came to me because they were suffering because of this thing called love. to tell the truth I didn't really understand why people become so weak when it comes to love. I think this world needs people like Niki.

- Love ?

- Mmh ?

- Don't bother with all the questions in your little head. I'll always love you, like i was made for it.

He said, putting the other end of the earphone in my ear. It was our favorite music... (The song on the second page in the top)
He really know how to comfort me. He can guess my thoughts without me even having to express them. I'll never be able to find the words to describe how much i love him..

Brisbane, 2023

The burning rays of the sun shone through the clear sky, but their warmth could not dispel the coldness that had settled inside me like a persistent shadow.

I would like to evaporate into thin air, to melt into nature and disappear forever. But even nature seems foreign to me now, as if it has lost its beauty without him. I am a prisoner of my memories. I would like to fly away to a place where no one can find me, where I can cry out my pain without restraint. But even the stars seem dull, those stars that shone in his beautiful eyes, those stars that made me love this world full of lies.

I would give anything just to see him again, I want to go home, to my home where I feel most comfortable. I look out the window, listening to the sound of the rain beating against the glass and each raindrop reminds me of a different memory, each linked to him in some way.

Oh love you are the truest soul I have ever met, couldn't you stay a little longer ?

Oh love I would like to hear your voice and listening to it for hours.

Oh love can you come back ?

Do you hear me Niki ?

You made me fall in love with you, you started everything, you started us and then you ended us. You promised not to hurt or leave me but you still did the both and it made me love you even more because I could never have you again.

My heart can't take your absence anymore can I find a heart that can handle this ?

You came to be my everything,

my healer,

my home,

but now all i have is the stars who still shining but not in your eyes anymore...

I am sorry love, I ruined everything.

The stars are less bright tonight, do you sleep well ? Do you miss me the way i miss you ?

I think I've forgotten how to live without you, How will I manage to rediscover myself without you ? How will I learn to live again without involving you in every moment of my life ? May I allow myself to forget you ?

This world that seems very bland and insipid in your absence. Nothing seems to matter to me anymore, everything is tinged with an infinite sadness. Even your silences, those moments when you didn't say anything but were there, I miss you terribly.

With each passing day, I find myself going back into our shared memories, recalling every conversation we had together. I try desperately to recapture the chemistry that bound us together, to feel again those intense emotions we shared.But despite my best efforts, I find myself alone in front of my phone, scanning every notification that might come from you. And when the silence becomes heavier I start to contemplate the stars looking for some comfort but everything speaks to me of you, the sky, the flowers, the rain, and the stars.