If one day I move on, I promised myself I would never forget that smile and how it made me happy. I just don't want to forget him, the one i loved more than anything.
Every night, I hug his pillow, hoping to capture even a fraction of his presence. But all it does is rekindle nostalgia for his embrace, his protective arms that gave me an unparalleled sense of security.
I don't even remember my life before him, I feel like I've known him forever... and that's when you realize that without the person you love there's nothing that matters anymore, everything is empty, like when the first time you see your lover you feel like you've already lost everything without even starting this game called love.
Nobody won this game, we both lost: he thought I could go on without him, and me, I let him go.
In this book of my life, the pages turn slowly, each line written a desperate attempt to learn how to accept its absence. Answers seem to lurk in the shadows, refusing my efforts to grasp them.
Some lights wants to be seen from far, like the stars, like him.
Brisbane 2016
Knock knock knock
- Niki ! You're still not ready ? I've had time to walk around downtown and feed all the neighborhood cats, and you're still not ready.
- Stop talking and come in, he said, suddenly pulling me towards him
- You have 50 seconds to get ready !
- But Rae-
- 1...2, 48 seconds left, I said while laughing
- Keep laughing you'll see, he said running but suddenly he turned around to give me a head pat "pretty" he said and he left.
This boy...he forgets too often that I'm older
I know he'll be back in 10 years, so I took the liberty of eating the ice cream I found in his freezer.
5 minutes later, he was finally ready
- I'll never wait for you again !
- At least you enjoyed the ice cream
- How do you know I ate ice cream ?
- You have some ice cream on your lips he said wiping the ice cream off my lips
Suddenly, a sharp pain appeared in my chest, a familiar sensation to which I was accustomed. My doctor had warned me that these pains would occur from time to time, but Niki keeps worrying.
- I'm okay Niki, let's go !
- I don't believe you Rae let's go to the doctor !
- I'm really okay Niki I said patting his head and letting out a smile to reassure him but he's still not convinced.
- Let's go see the doctor !
- There's no need Niki, my next appointment is in a few days anyway. Let's go ! I said taking his hand
- Let me drive for today Rae !
- But only today !
-
I longed for time to stand still at that very moment, for everything was so perfect that I wanted to remain frozen in that moment forever. The wind caressing my cheeks as the car accelerated. The soft melody coming from the loudspeakers brought our voices together, every word spoken charged with palpable emotion.
- Let me open the door for you !
He got out of the car to open the door for me, he's really worried, he doesn't show it to me but he's so afraid of losing me.
- Good boy, keep it up I said laughing
We had planned to paint together so we came to buy paint and canvases
-
- Don't make me move Niki !
- Or else what ?
I grabbed a can of paint, determined to apply it to his nose. The scene that unfolded was so hilarious that I couldn't suppress my laughter. But before I could catch my breath, he retaliated by throwing paint back at me. Without hesitation, I went after him, holding the paint can firmly in my hand, threatening to throw it at him. And he dared to retaliate! And so we launched into a frenzied battle, our bodies and clothes covered in brilliant colors. Paint flew in all directions, and we laughed our heads off, oblivious to the world around us.
- Look at the state of my clothes because of you !
- Because of me ? You're the one who kept on !
Suddenly, he took another step forward, approaching me with a determined stride.
His sparkling gaze locked with mine. A wry smile played across his lips.
Without warning, he whispered in my ear
- Pretty
It's amazing how six simple letters could awaken a whole range of emotions in me. Every word that escaped his lips had an undeniable power over my being, setting off a chain reaction inside me. A smile escaped my lips, unable to contain the adoration he aroused in me.
In turn, I leaned toward his ear.
- You're cute
- You copied me !
- So what ? I know you liked it I said laughing
- Anyway, I have to wash up and you're going to clean here !
- Rock, paper, scissors !
- I've won! accept your destiny little duck !
- Go wash up I don't want to see you !
- Little duck is mad I said laughing but it made him even angrier that I couldn't stop laughing.
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