𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬

Chapter ten

Brisbane 2023

Today I wanted to go out alone to get some air, and as I was walking I came across a pet shop and there was a cat in the window looking out, it looked so much like Niki that I couldn't hold back the tears. When I walked in, he immediately surrounded me and looked at me like he was saying "take me"...I missed Niki so much that I adopted that cat.

When I brought him home, he didn't feel like a stranger at all, he got used to it right away, and it made me really happy.

In the tired corner of the room, the cat often found refuge on the old armchair, where Ni-ki used to sit. While my other half absence weighed on me like an unbearable burden, the cat took on a much deeper meaning. Every evening, when sadness overwhelmed me and memories haunted me, he would come to me, rubbing against my legs with silent tenderness. Sometimes I'd sit on the floor next to him, dipping my fingers into his soft fur. His eyes, usually lively and curious, now seemed to reflect my own pain, as if they understood the loss that had befallen me...

October, 2016 Brisbane

Without exchanging a word, we understood each other instantly. A wry smile, a knowing wink, and he grabbed my hand, leading me with reckless impetuosity on a race under the sakura petals and the night lights...I was so carried away by the euphoria that I didn't want the moment to end. Hand in hand, we ran like children to our secret lair, the basketball court hidden behind the groves of fragrant flowers. Without a word, we began our impromptu game.

I simply couldn't believe that we had decided to run away from our own marriage. It was as if we were the protagonists in one of those rom-coms I'd seen somewhere before.

I stumble because of my wedding dress, but of course he catches me since we're in a rom-com tonight.

I pull him towards me and once again, of course, we had to fall to the ground. Neither of us can find the strength to get up. Our eyes meet, each memorizing the other's face.

"I don't know.."

"What Nini ?"

"I don't know what i've done to deserve you"

I got teary as always. No matter how much I hold back, when it's Niki I can't hold back my tears. Even a little soft word of him has a big impact on me.

I gave him a little kiss "sorry, I don't know how to do it"

He let out a little laugh before wrapping his arms around me. "I don't know either"

"Niki ?"

"mmh ?"

"If I die one day, what would you do?"

He took a few seconds to answer, he was looking for the right word to comfort me. I could see in his eyes that he wanted to cry, which made my heart hurt even more.

"I'll die with you... don't think about that kind of thing, okay?"

I hugged him so tightly, as if it were the last time. I feel an inexplicable anxiety, a kind of unpleasant foreboding that comes over me every time our eyes meet. There's this nagging feeling, as if I'm carrying the weight of an invisible debt to him.

"Rae, I'll come with you to your appointment next week."

"There's no need, Niki, I can go alone."

"I don't feel like letting you go alone"

"Don't worry, if there's anything wrong I'll tell you anyway"

-

When I awoke, a sweet smell filled the room, slowly rousing me from my sleep. I knew it was a sign that Niki was busy in the kitchen.

Even if he wasn't good at it, his clumsy attempts melted me every time. In the half-sleep of dawn, I was gently drawn by a delicate sensation on my lips, followed by the sweet flavor of pancakes.

"so is it good?"

"you ate it this time" I said, laughing

"This time ? so the other times it wasn't good?"

"yeah" I said, getting ready to run

"you little dumbass!"

He was trying to catch me but of course, I stumbled and endured his tickles.

Suddenly, my phone started ringing, breaking the mood. The name on my phone immediately made my smile disappear, it was the doctor calling and I didn't want Niki to know.

"Who's this?"

"It's from work, it's nothing"

I went into the room to finally answer the call

"hello ?"

"Hello Rae"

"Is there something wrong? my appointment is next week."

"You should come to the hospital today, Rae, it's important."

"But..why ?"

"I'll be waiting for you at 2pm Rae, see you then." and he picked up the phone

What am I going to tell Niki, how am I supposed to go to the hospital without him knowing? A ball of nervousness formed in my throat as I lost myself in the meanders of uncertainty. Fear invaded me, overwhelming me with dark thoughts and worries. And Niki... what would he do on his own if something happened to me? And my patients... My precious patients, to whom I had devoted myself body and soul. How could I abandon them along the way? Images of worried faces and trembling voices mingled with my thoughts, reminding me of my duty to them.

The room suddenly seemed oppressive, its silence becoming stifling. I felt like an actress caught in a role she hadn't been trained for, and the play being acted out was that of my own life.

Niki suddenly entered the room, his gaze fixed on me in incomprehension. I couldn't hold back and rushed into his arms. His usually comforting presence today was like a pale shadow of what it once was, a faint glimmer in the darkness that invaded me.

"Rae? everything okay?"

"Can we just stay like this for a while?"

I just allowed myself to feel it all and just cry in his arms.. because that was all i could do at that moment.