𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬

Chapter eight

March 7, 2014 Brisbane

He's always my last patient, so I always have a little break because he's always late. But I never know exactly when he will arrive.

He hadn't said anything yesterday, but I knew he was coming.

Knock knock knock

The moment the door opened, revealing Niki, a feeling of well-being came over me, as if his presence filled a void I'd never been able to define. It was like finding that missing piece of the puzzle of my life, the one whose existence I'd never known, but whose absence I'd always felt.

- You're later than usual

- sorry I live a bit far

- you want to go for an ice-cream with me ? I know a place, it's just around the corner

I thought that maybe he could express himself more easily in a place like this, more sincere and without his voice echoing in a frightening room.

-

- two strawberry vanilla ice creams please!

I think the butterflies in my stomach want to escape. Why do these little things have such a big effect on me?

- I have a question

- mmh ?

- do you have any friends ?

- I used to have friends but not anymore or I thought that I had. The people I used to call friends were just strangers disguised as friends. They didn't really care about me, I've always wanted to have friends, but I've realized that having friends is a heavy burden, a waste of time and anything that isn't sincere.

- you know you're my only patient with whom I can't control my thoughts, my body or my words. I want to give you advice when that's not what I should be doing and I really care about you and your feelings...

His gaze sparkled with an intense glow as he stared into my eyes, every word I spoke seemed to reach his heart unerringly as if my words traced a direct path to his heart.

- how do you always find the right words? how do you always find the words I need to hear?

- man settles where he is understood and forms belonging. even if his body remains in a place where feelings are not seen and thoughts are not considered, his soul already left.

- How about you ?

- mmh ?

- Do you have friends ?

-when I was little, I used to think that having friends is the most needed thing in the life of a little child but the older I get, the more I realize that having friends does not really matter. I had social anxiety and I was always worried about not being able to speak, not being able to find the right words to express my true feelings. I just couldn't communicate, having a conversation with people had been such a big burden for me. I also used to think that no one really understand me and I was right cause you can only understand you. You just need yourself. It's okay not to have friends. Having friends doesn't really mean enjoying life, living happily or fearing nothing because you know you have your friends with you.

I saw a drop falling on the table, and when I looked up I saw Niki crying. Did my words hurt him? Or did hearing the truth hurt him? Or did he simply saw himself in my words?

- Niki.?

Without thinking, I got up from my chair and walked over to him, ignoring the commotion in the café, and took him in my arms.

- It's okay to cry Niki..you can allow yourself to cry.

-

- it's getting late I think we should go

- I'll take you home, it's getting dark

- haha nothing will happen to me, everybody knows me here it's my neighborhood but if you want, I can go with you. Let's go back to the clinic to pick up my car, then I'll drop you off at home.

- thank you for always being there for me, Rae.

- thank you too

Brisbane 2023 ( Rae's memories in 2016)

I was about to get out but a hand grabbed my wrist.

- Niki ?

- Where you going, it's Saturday ?

- I have training, did you forget ?

- oh I'm coming with you !

- there's no need Nini, I'll be back around 8pm don't worry and go back to sleep it's still early

- 8pm ? is it that far? I'm coming with you just wait a little!

- Really Niki you won't change! 

- If you're not here in 5 minutes I'll go !

He seems constantly tormented by the idea that something bad might happen to me, as if his own inner peace depended on my safety. How much longer can I maintain this fragile camouflage around my pain? The cracks open more and more, the reality of a sadness I'm desperately trying to conceal. The days pass, but the emotional charge persists, and I fear that the protective veil I've woven will tear, revealing the vulnerability I'm trying so hard to hide.

- I'm ready love let's go!

- I'll drive Rae, you can sleep a little longer.

- 

- wait for me here I'll be right in front, in 2 hours it'll be break time.

- okay princess

- You do it on purpose, huh? You know very well I don't like these nicknames.

- go go you're gonna be late !

- you'll see at home!

I hadn't even reached the first hour, but already I was feeling a growing weariness. The beginnings of a headache were making themselves felt, foreshadowing difficult day ahead.

- hey are you okay ? you don't look good

- I'm fine thank you, I just have a little headache!

- you really don't look well, he says, putting his hand on my forehead.

- I said I was fine, you didn't have to do that.

- but you have a fever

suddenly I receive a message from niki

"what did that guy just did to you ?"

"nothing Nini he just asked if I was okay, don't worry"

- is that your boyfriend waiting for you over there? he's lucky, you're pretty, he whispers in my ear, stroking my hair.

I was about to slap him but he held back my hand. 

- move ! Niki appeared and, with one decisive movement, pulled me behind him.

- I'm not moving, what are you going to do?

the man was about to hit niki, without hesitation I stepped in front of him.

- oh what a cute couple having fun playing guardians to each other

It was the last straw. I hit him where he deserved it and we left the room.

I let out a little laugh

- Well, that's one way to exit a scene, said Niki, a mix of astonishment and amusement in his gaze.

We burst out laughing on our way out, leaving the hectic scene behind us. The echoes of our laughter accompanied our footsteps down the corridor, creating a light mood after the tumult.