The Stolen Journal

Preview for: The Stolen Journal

By Lilianna Rosewood

24th March 2009

Dear Diary, I feel awful. It's all my fault and the worst part is I can't do anything to make it better. Nothing can change it. I hat life. It is so miserable. Our Aunt Josie now takes care of us. I'm worried she's not ready to be a guardian. I can't believe it. It's been 6 weeks and I still feel like crap. The funeral yesterday just brought back so much guilt and pain. I felt so sorry for Saxon. He is on 13 and has to go through all of it. And it's more fault. I feel guilt and pain every day. I have to get out of the house. It brings back so many memories. The only other person I can't talk to is Kaylee. She has been my best friend since birth. We grew up together like sisters. My mum was her second mum. I don't normally write this stuff to you but it feels good to put everything on the table. Aunt Josie spends most of her time at college while Saxon does his own thing. He only talks to me if he wants a ride somewhere. I don't blame him. Everyone is telling me that it wasn't my fault but really it was. Aunt Josie thinks I should go see a therapist because I may have depression but I refuse to go. People yesterday were asking me how was I. I would answer, I fine. But I didn't mean it once at all. I felt like crap. My parents don't deserve this. I deserve to go to hell. Love ya Arabella xx

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16th June 2009

I slowly got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. I pulled my hair up into a messy ponytail and brushed my teeth. I had red eyes from crying all night.

Today I have to stop feeling guilty and start to get my life back on track. It's been around 3 months since the crash. I still have nightmares, I still cry myself to sleep, I still cant sleep and I still feel the guilt and pain. I think it's about time I go get the anti-depression pills. I say in my room most of the time and I avoid people except for my best friend Kaylee. I tell her everything. She knows about that I still keep a journal and why I'm guilty. She's the only person that understands. I broke up with my boyfriend Daniel 3 weeks before the crash. That's when I went all crazy and started going to parties, skipping family night and drinking till I pass out. It was the 24th March when I was out partying and I need my mum to pick me up. Both my parents came out to pick me and Saxon up but as we left we crashed with another car and our parents died. If I hadn't broke up with Daniel I wouldn't be so reckless and if I wasn't so reckless my parents wouldn't be dead. I am the popular girl at school that everyone worships. Not to get up myself but I am a celebrity at the school. I would still go out and party but I would never get to drunk.

Saxon acts like he doesn't care and shuts out his emotions but really he does care. The other week Aunt Josie caught him scoffing down a bottle of vodka cruiser. She was flipping out and she has no idea what to do.

It is the first day of school for Saxon and I. It is weird going back halfway through a term. We decided it was best to sort ourselves out for a few months and got a tutor to come in and work with us. I still so my friends Kaylee and Havanna but I still missed everyone. Havanna and I aren't super close but we have been close friends since 1st grade and that means something to me.

This school year I'm going to be different. I won't be sad anymore. I'll put on a happy face and go back to my normal self. Find a boyfriend and relax. No more drinking. Only special occasions. I won't party or be rude. I'll be the nice girl.

As I went downstairs Saxon was sitting at the table with is headphones in eating is cereal whilst day dreaming. Aunt Josie is still asleep of course and she will sleep till noon. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a coffee. I sat down at the table across from Saxon. I just sat there staring into my coffee waiting for something to happen.

"Oww!" Saxon yelled. I smiled. "What was that for?" he asked angrily. I started laughing. The reaction on his face was priceless. I don't think I have every been so violent over nothing. "I asked you a question" I said calming down after laughing. "Well what?" he asked rudely unplugging his headphones. I pause and placed my coffee back down on the table and trying to remember to be responsible. "Are you ok with going back to school and everything?" I asked looking down. " Yeah, I'm fine stop worrying." He snapped.

Once that awaked conversation was over I went upstairs to quickly pack my things for school. Kaylee was the only person that knows that I'm coming to school today.

As I went downstairs only Aunt Josie was just getting out of bed. I giggled to myself for a second and then called for Saxon. Saxon came and then we were off to school.

I parked the car around the block just to get that tad little extra bit of exercise. Plus there is never any parking at our school. Saxon hated me for this. He like my car and liked to make the most out of it. He is a football player but he hates walking the one extra block. Strange kid!

As soon as I came in sight of the school I was pulled away from Saxon and pulled into a group of girls. All I could he was screams and welcomes and other weird stuff. People were asking how I was and I somehow managed to put on a smile and tell them that I'm fine and just needed some time to sort things out.

After greeting everyone I escaped and dashed over to Kaylee. She just laughed and we made our way to our lockers. We were walking and talking. I actually felt happy when I was with Kaylee. I forget about what happened and the pain was gone. The next thing I knew I was on the ground and groaning whilst I could hear Kaylee laughing.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't see you." He said looking worried. I looked up. Hold Crap. It was a guy with He must be new. I groaned sitting up. "Ahh, no worries. It was my fault."

He looked at me like he was trying to figure me out. I was a bit freaked out. By now Kaylee had stopped laughing and she was now staring at me with big eyes saying 'Don't screw it up'. I laughed and this guy gave me an even more confusing look. This year is going to be kick-ass.

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A/N: Small preview!! Comment or vote if I should continue. May be put on hold depending on life. You''l just have to be flexible with me!! I hope you liked. I love feedback. Remember this is only a preview that's why its short!!

Lilianna xx