Too optimistic to be pessimistic

Chapter 9 "Worst day ever"

I heard a faint knock at my door. I didn't want to answer it but I ended up getting up and opening the door to my instructor and old friend Joshua Taylor. He looked at me with such a worried face. He just stood at the door for a while with a facial expression.
   
When I sat back down I told him, "Stop looking at me like that. I know that I might look like a mess and haven't come to the station and trained but I am..." I couldn't finish the sentence. I looked back up at him and this time he had a sympathetic look on his face.
   
He finally came in and sat right beside me. We just sat there in silence like that for a few minutes. He took in a deep breath and said just above a whisper, "I know. I understand what you are going through right now. I do but you can't just stay in your room cutting yourself off from the world." He paused, then asked, "How long has it been since you heard from Kassie?"
   
I could feel the threat of hot tears come to my eyes as I said, "A little over a year and I am very worried about her."
   
Just as Josh was going to say something the mail person came in and said, "You have mail, Justin."
   
I jumped up as soon as I saw him at the door. I grabbed the letter and said thank you about five million times. As soon as I had it in my hands I ripped it open and read it. The next thing I know I was sitting on the bed crying my eyes out.
   
Josh was looking at me crying. He hugged me and asked, "What? What is the matter, Justin?"
   
I couldn't speak, I was just starting in the open at nothing. He asked me again and this time I held up the letter with my hand and said, "Read it out loud please."
   
He stuck out his hand then pulled it back and asked, "Are you sure you want me to?"
   
I just nodded my head without saying a word and with tears running down my face like a waterfall. I wanted him to read it out loud to make sure that I had read it right the first time.
   
He grabbed the letter out of my hand gently and began to read the letter out loud just like I asked him to.

****

Dear Justin,                                                June 28, 1965
   
I am so sorry to say this but your wife and my daughter Kassie Allen Knight passed away a year ago today on June 28, 1964. The reason why we haven't written you back is that we didn't want to tell you in a letter we wanted to wait until you came home.

For a few months she was healthy then all of a sudden she didn't have any strength. She wanted to write to you but she didn't even have enough strength to hold a pen or pencil to write down or even talk to tell us what she wanted to say on the paper. Then she gave out and passed. The doctors said it was Leukemia and it made her weak. It came to the point where we had to tell you in a letter. I am so sorry that I am the one that has to tell you this.
She also told me that she had something to tell you but she wouldn't let me tell you over a letter. She said that wouldn't be right and she is right. When you come back home there is something that I need to show and tell you. Again I am so sorry for your loss.

Sincerely,
Mary Allen

****

While Josh was reading the letter out loud I could hear him trying not to cry. His voice was cracking and I could see some tears falling on the floor as he cried.

As I first read the letter I could see the tear drops Mary left on the letter. I could see her struggling not to cry and her hand shaking as she was writing the letter.

"Justin?" I heard Josh's voice fade into my head. I just caught my name and I shot back to real life.
I shook my head and said, "I am sorry I must have dozed off somewhere. What did you say Josh?"

He just looked at me with such a blank face and then said with so much sadness in his voice, "I had asked if you are alright, but I know now that you aren't. So instead I am going to ask are you going to be ok? Do you want to go home?"

I looked at him with such a blank face then I just exploded and started yelling at him and I couldn't stop myself. He just stood there and let me yell at him. He didn't stop me from yelling at him either. "Am I ok? What do you think of Josh? My wife just died from a heart disease last year without me knowing and I can't go home because I am not ready yet and the house is full of her memories. I am just going to stay here for as long as I can until I can get better. Now please, will you just get out of my room? I need to think for a little bit!!"

Josh looked down, picked his head up and started to say, "But Justin I..."

"Just GO please!!" Tears ran down my face as I turned around. I fell to my knees on the side of my bed as if I was going to pray. Threw my head down on my mattress and started to cry my eyes out yelling Kassie's name saying like don't leave me, I need you in my life, and come back.

987 words