Too optimistic to be pessimistic

Chapter 12 "Journal Entry Justin Knight"

Journal Entry,                                            March 1, 1965
   
I have been on a train for what feels like months, but in reality, it must have been only a couple of weeks or so. I am on my way back to my home town. I have been preparing to be in the army, but for right now all of that has changed because of a sudden tragedy that occurred about five years ago.
   
It pains me to death to say it out loud and even writing it down kills me inside but I have to say it ever and again to let off some of the tension that is building up inside of me.
   
Ok here, it goes... My beautiful and talented wife Kassie Allen Knight passed away from a disease called Anemia. Her mother, Mary Allen, said that it happened over time. That you could tell that something was wrong with her.
    
Within two months Mary said that she had just given out. She said that Kassie didn't have enough strength to even breathe it got so bad. Mary also said that Kassie wanted to tell me something important. Right when she was going to write it down on a piece of paper her hand gave out. Mary looked right at Kassie and she saw that she passed away.
   
They still don't know what my wife wanted to tell me. All of her family says that if I go and see her they believe that I can find out what she wanted to say because we had such a strong connection.
   
I hope that they are right. I am on my way home right now not just so I can find out what she wanted to tell me but also so I could see my darling wife's grave site.
   
I would say that I am about one week away from my town. I am also preparing myself for when I do/ see her grave. It's going to be hard but I have to do it soon.

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Journal Entry,                                          March 10, 1965
   
I am only an hour away from my hometown and where my wife passed away. I have mentally prepared myself for when I see her grave tonight. I just hope that it's enough.
   
As soon as I got to the train station, I can almost promise you that I saw Kassie there waiting for me and my eyes started to water like crazy and even started to fall. I thought that my wife wasn't dead all I dreamed all of that. When the train got closer to the station I saw that it was her mother, Mary, who was there. I felt and heard my heart break again as if I read the letter again about her passing.
   
Right, when I got off the train Mary was standing there with tears running down her face. I don't know what happened but as soon as I stepped off of the train and I saw her face up front and close I ran up to her and put my head on her shoulder and cried my eyes out to her. I felt so relieved. I've held all of that emotion inside of me for so long that it just came out of nowhere.

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