The Wounds of Our Past // Gerard Way x reader

11. #loyal

The silence was deafening.

I walked back to my original spot I sat at 20 minutes ago. Gerard looked scared shitless, but I held my ground. For the first time in a while, I had total confidence in myself. This was under my control, not anyone else's.

"Did you-"

"Yeah, I did." I said simply. They processed the information and then nodded. He seemed to be thinking about what to say next. I don't blame him. For all he knows, I used to have feelings for him. They spoke again, "How do you feel about what I wrote?"

It was my turn to think about what to say. I gave out a small laugh and said, "It was kinda cliché, Gerard." His face fell. I quickly added, "But, it was sweet. I liked what I read. I had two favorite parts, actually. The first one was finding out you never really dated lynz." I laughed to myself. She was fine, I guess? I never got to know her personally, but I had been jealous of her "relationship" with Gerard. 

They leaned in closer to me. "And the uh other part...?" He sounded desperate. I knew it was cruel of me too drag it out any longer. "Well, I really liked the part where you said that I was the love of your life," I said using air quotes, "That part was nice too." I was smiling like an idiot. He smiled back at me. They were gorgeous. He looked like he gained more confidence with himself, but he still seemed scared.

"Why'd you like that part?" He asked, trying, but failing, to hide his excitement. "I really do care about you, Gerard. And uh I guess you could say, I still have that crush I had on you all the way back then." I said softly. His eyes sparkled.

"Really?" His question was so quiet that I would have missed it if I wasn't staring directly at him. I nodded and smiled in amazement at him. I slowly got up from his desk chair and sat down on his bed, close to him. It's the closest I've been to him in a while. I locked my eyes in his. Their hair was framing his face perfectly. I grabbed a piece and tucked it behind his ear. He put his hand over mine; I was cupping half of his face.

He closed their eyes and let tears fall slowly down his blushing face. "Gerard?" I asked. He opened his glowing eyes and answered, "Yeah?" I wanted to kiss him, but I was scared to. I leaned in nonetheless. I moved my arms around his torso and held dearly onto him. They shifted in my arms holding me too.

I looked back up at him.

His lips were a soft rose color, probably because he kept biting them while we were talking earlier. I was about to kiss him, until I was hit with a feeling I haven't felt since Gerard and I became friends again. Something deep down, that I've buried far into myself, was screaming at me to remember the bad times. Remember all the times he hurt me.

But he's changed.

He matured.

He didn't mean to hurt me. Well he did, but only because he was hurting. He wouldn't do it again.

Right?

They must have noticed my mental battle and said,
"y/n, is something wrong?" I didn't realize I had started tearing up and shaking until he held me tighter and wiped my checks softly. I froze. Maybe, I even looked scared? I wasn't sure.

He frowned and let go of me. "Sorry." they said slowly.

He made distance between us. I sighed and thinking and questioning how Im supposed to approach my question. "Will you um," I paused, scared of what'd he'd say. They pressed his hand on my shoulder. "Would you," I continued, "ever hurt me again? Like the times before?" He smiled.

"Never again."

That was the push.

I leaned in and pressed my lips against his. It was brief, but surreal. I've thought about this moment since I was 15, yet, never like this. But, I was still as happy as I knew I'd be. When I pulled away, it felt like the world was spinning. Before my mind could get a grip, Gerard pulled me back in. We exchanged soft, lovely, kisses between the two of us.

Nothing was rushed. We were just enjoying ourselves. We soon realized we were slowly laying down. He cuddled up to me, playing with my hair smiling up at me. "Would we be rushing into something if I asked you be start dating me now?" He asked giggling.

"Considering I've waiting for this for the past 12 years of my life, and the past how ever many more of yours, no I don't think we would be rushing anything."

He smiled and kissed me with a more fierce attitude.

"Then do you wanna maybe, you know?"

"Yeah, I'll date you, Gerard. As long as it's double sided." He snorted, "Of course it'd be double sided!" I laughed along, "Just making sure I'm not a side hustle!" He looked offended. "You think I'd spend the last 15 years alone waiting for a side hustle?!" He laughed. "I dunno."

He pressed his lips on my forehead. "Well, I wouldn't, trust me." I nodded. I was in total bliss.

But then a different feeling came crash into me.

An itching, maybe even burning sensation.

I was forgetting something...

But what could it be...?

Oh shit.

Mikey.

I didn't tell him I still had feelings for Gerard. Well, this Gerard. I must have looked panicked because Gerard was asking what was wrong. "Mikey! Oh my gosh dude! He's gonna freak out!" Gerard laughed at me and said, "No, I told him what I was planning. He suspected our feelings for each other for a little bit so he isn't upset." I nodded, and thanked the heavens.

Mikey wouldn't be angry with me, but he would have with Gerard. And angry Mikey isn't a pleasant person to be around to say the least.

Then another thought popped in my head.

"Frank and Ray?" He smiled, "They've known I've loved you since forever, they're gonna be so happy, dear."

Heheehehehehe(omfg)

That almost made me forget about Nicholas.

I wasn't worried about him making us break up, actually the opposite. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Same with the fans. It'll be too much for them to have Mikey and I back and then also find out Im dating Gerard.

Gerard stayed quiet for a little bit.

I thought he was thinking until I felt him suddenly get really relaxed. He fell asleep on me. It was so cute. I grabbed my phone, damn it's 12 am, and decided to take a picture of him. But, alas, I was betrayed by my phone and my fucking flash was on.

"y/n...? whatta doin..?"

"Um, nothing?"

(authors note)
first time i've ever written something like this. hopefully it's not too cringe