The Wounds of Our Past // Gerard Way x reader

31. a tragic affair

God, there's so much beeping. Everything is so bright.
I can hear a faint voice, but I can't move to see who it is. Everything hurts and I don't know why. I wanna scream out, but my body won't let me. What happened?

Whoever's in the room with me leaves, and turns off the light. Is it nighttime? I can't see anything now. My eyes move but not with my head. It's like i'm strapped in the hospital bed.

A calm, eerie voice whispers near my left ear. "You stupid little thing...." It taunts me. I can't pick up on who it is. It's not Gerard. "You thought that was real? You really thought you could be with him? hmm...."
I don't have time to think because it speaks again, "It could be real... if you want..."

It takes everything in me to answer. I suck in air and try my hardest to say, "How...?" I violently cough and I feel the voice laugh at me. "How?! Well, you have two options...." The voice breathes on me. It smells so bad of rot. "You can stay here in this timeline... and try to get your little rock star to love you."

I cough again and whisper, "Or?" The voice laughs again. "I can't tell you the "or" of your offer!" I grit my teeth and let out a pained, "Why?!" Am I coughing blood? The voice shushes me. "Now, now, you little bitch! We don't need the nurses coming in... I can't tell you the other offer because quite frankly, I'm not sure what it entails. You could be sent back to the day you met- What's their name?" "...Gerard!" I cry out softly as my lungs burn. "Ha! I know, just keeping you on your toes! Anyway, you also could be sent to the future again, though, it could be different than before."

I shift and suck in big breath of air to say, "What was before?" The voice is silent. I can hear it start pacing around me. Is it a voice? Or is it a person. It's way too dark to tell. Now I hear it go to my right ear. "It was... something. I don't know how much of it was real. Some of it was just figments of what it thought you wanted to see. I hope you realize you screwed up while using that board. Shouldn't have winged the rules. But that's here nor there. Now, we just need to see what happens now. Because now is, at least, real."

The door opens and the light from the hall blinds me. I hear the voice hiss as the lights get turned on. My eyes scan around me. Nothing. I look at the door. A nurse is telling off Gerard. Something about how visitation hours are over. I furrow my eyebrows. The nurse approaches me. "Oh, you're up? Sorry, do you know this man?" I look up at him. He gives me this weird, concerned look. Geez, this is so embarrassing. I nod and look back at the nurse. He sighs and says, "What's the relation?" A strained friendship? A codependent toxic mess? A fake relationship in which i thought we both loved each other? Gerard beats me to it, "Uhm, she's my fiancé." Oh, so we're lying now. Okay? The nurse looks at me again. I just blink at him and try to force a smile. I don't know what face I make since it just hurts. He sighs and says, "15 minutes and that's it. Take that or you have to sign a paper saying you're staying the night with her."

Gerard gives a soft smile and the nurse leaves. Now I'm alone with him. Great. He comes near me, creepily similar to where the voice was. He grabs a chair and sits down just a foot away from my bed. "Uh... they said you had an episode... you uh, well... after you passed out in front of me..." He said awkwardly. I close my eyes. I probably did have an episode. "Don't wanna know..." I whisper hopefully loud enough for him to hear. They do and they drop it. At least, the conversation of how I ended up here. I bet my mental state, maybe even physical, who knows, being whiplashed through time for the past months sent me here too. But of course, they brought up what I said before.

"You're in love with me?"

I swallow the lump forming in my throat. The pit of the stomach grows like a void and my head spins. I have to focus on something... the window. I look at the window and breathe out. "Yeah... I guess..." Though, the "s" in guess gets cut off with my coughing. I can feel his wince at the sound. "Does it hurt? To talk?"
I finally force my eyes at him. "Everything hurts."
He frowns at me and awkwardly brushes the hair on my face away.

"I'm sorry but I-" he starts, but I give him a look of "Don't you dare." I look away from him. He sighs and puts his arms back at his side. "I'm hard to love." I cough out and he frowns. "You're not! It's just... it's complicated." Yeah it's complicated. Gosh, it's so complicated for them! It's not like they spent months so happy just for it to be stripped away and now everyone thinks he's insane! Right, they have it so
hard. "You should hate me..." He says quietly. And for once in this conversation, I agree. "I should..." They sigh again. "But you don't?" Geez, since when has he ever been this dense? "Obviously."

He says something again but I don't really listen. I tune him out and I think he noticed. "Listen to me!" I whip my gaze at him, I see him fully again and he looks so lost. "I just... I think you shouldn't love me. I think you should try to move on." You're joking. Out of everything he could say to someone in love with him in and damn hospital bed, this is his best response? "Get out." I say spitefully. Though, I'm not sure how spiteful it sounded after my body betrayed my tone with even more painful coughing.

Gerard listens. I watch he get up defeated, and leave. Now, I'm back alone. The nurse comes in, does some check ups. Some quick questions later and the light gets shut off. It's dark once again. My mind is racing left and right but my body is begging for sleep. I close my eyes and slowly drift off. Of course that didn't last long because I don't really seem to ever catch a break!

"Have you made up your mind?" That stupid ass voice asks me. "Give me a day to think on it?" It laughs and leaves saying, "Whatever you say!" I sigh and close my eyes. This time, I actually fall asleep.