The Wounds of Our Past // Gerard Way x reader

32. look alive.

Time is ticking.

My body is probably more sore today than yesterday. It feels like it's been ages since last night. (authors note: lol i'm sorry this took forever) I told my nurse I didn't want any visitors. The last thing I need right now is seeing them. Seeing Gerard...

Maybe I never want to him.

I'm just so frustrated! Why can't I be happy?? Why is that so hard? "You can make it easy...?" that stupid little voice slithered in my ear. "Geez. Can you leave me alone?" I feel a cold chill down my spine. "You're funny. You are alone. I'm not here! I'm just in your head." So, I'm insane. Awesome.

"You're not insane. You're actually annoying but not insane. I know you feel like you're going crazy, but I swear, it's just cause you messed with the wrong supernatural shit." Yeah, no joke. "Listen, I need an answer, okay? Your case... it's interesting. I have to admit, I'm wondering how this is going to pan out. But neither of us will know until you decide. Stay, or go?"

Stay or go.

If I stay, there's a possibility, a small one, but still, a possibility that Gerard could love me back. Right? I'd be in the band still. Maybe. I'd still have my friends. Maybe, I could go back to college? I could start fresh if Gerard doesn't want me. Do I want that? What would like be like without them?

If I go to some other thread of reality, Gerard could love me. I'd have him. But at what cost? Is that really worth it. Absolutely. I need them. I've never wanted anything more, but, I'm still terrified of what's around the corner. Is this a chance I'm willing to make? What's in store for me?

What's my purpose? Getting him? Is that really all I was made for? My family doesn't speak to me anymore. My friends probably would choose Gerard over me since he's probably uncomfortable by my love. Gosh! I'm so embarrassing. I hate this.

"Let's do it," I say to myself. I think whoever is talking to me can hear my mind. I'm not gonna dwell on that because frankly, that's the least of my worries.

The cold washed over me again. "You're certain?" Yes. "And you realize that once I send you there, there's no going back. No more other place to go." I take a deep breath, "Yes." The voice grew restless, "Gotta say, you have balls kid. And you're gonna need em."

What?

Before I could get another thought out, the nurse robotically barged in the room. He looked dazed out of his mind. He had a large syringe in hand. "HEY? WAIT-" He stabbed my chest. The liquid stings me as it's forced in. It's like fire. Burning. gosh SO MUCH BURING-

STOP! STOP-
THIS HURTS! PLEASE IM BEGGING-
ITS EVERYWHERE!
GOD SAVE ME-

I take a final breath and hear a flatline.

Ringing.

My ears are ringing. I press them. Are they bleeding? The burning stopped, but damn it's hot as fuck. What am I wearing? Is my hair shorter? Wtf??

I open my eyes and wince. It's so bright. How is it so bright?? I'm just... lying on the ground? There's no grass. I slowly stand up with serval of my bones and joints making unnerving sounds. I cover the sun with my hand and look around. 

Nothing.

Just hot as hell, and there's nothing.

Just plain land.

I see a run downed... motel? Is that what that is? I walk towards it in stiff motions. It feels like I'm learning to walk again. I eventually get close enough to it to realize there's noises coming from within. It sounds like a ton of static.

I get inside. It's covered in trash and vandalism. I slowly approach the weathered radio. I turn the dial to find a station. Maybe anything other than the static. It pops and buzzes as I turn the dial senselessly.

Finally, I hear a satisfying beep and listen for whatever I was able to pick up.

"Look Alive, Sunshine."