Living through Lenses

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

I felt empty. I knew it was too good to last. I wouldn’t be able to stand being in love with someone who I knew was going to die. And I was going to die. It was too much to ask for, for Ethan to love me and be with me during my last moments. But even knowing all this I had that little bit of hope, underneath all of my negative thoughts, there was a voice telling me to believe in him. To believe that he would be the one who was there for me, all the way until I die. 

The rest of the trip was kind of blurry; it was almost like a dream. Where I didn’t feel anything or remember anything. Ethan had decided to leave early and so he went home already. It didn’t really hit me until the end of the trip that Ethan was no longer with me. At one point on the plane everything just came crashing down and my heart felt so heavy that I had to run to the bathroom and just cry. 

I hadn’t told my parents but I know that they had figured it out. And when I got back to school it seemed somehow everyone had watched my speech. My ‘friends’ apologised a million times but I didn’t really care. In fact I felt like I lost all my emotions. I just felt empty, my laughs were empty, my smiles were empty, just everything was empty.

After school I got home and picked up my camera, subconsciously. Then everything came flowing into me, my emotions especially. I felt so hurt, so sad, so angry yet calm. I looked in the mirror and my face was emotionless. It was like I had already known that Ethan would leave and that I accepted that I loved him enough to let him live a life without me.

I did what every heart broken girl did. I opened a tub of ice cream and sat in my room watching dramas and movies until I finished the ice cream. Then I started crying again knowing that I’d probably gain one million kilograms tomorrow and still wouldn’t have Ethan back. And then it hit me; I slapped myself in the face and stopped crying.

‘Kayla, get a hold of yourself! This isn’t you! You need to live the short amount of time you have left and being single is great for that! Go out! Mingle! Forget! Live!’ I smiled under my own encouragement and called Faye.

‘Hello?’ Said her uncertain voice, I laughed knowing that my phone was on private.

‘Hey, you want to hang out?’ Her voice lifted immediately.

‘Yes I’d love to.’

We met at the shopping centre and decided that we were going to watch a movie. Faye hated horror movies. Like, absolutely hated them.

‘Let’s watch Scream 4.’ I smiled at her innocently as her eyes filled with horror.

‘No I can’t it’s …’ But I had already dragged her to the counter.

‘Hi, can we get two tickets to Scream 4, back seats please.’ The teenage boy at the counter looked us head to toe and smiled.

‘Sure, $13.50 each please.’

I had bought the ticket for her because I forced her to watch the movie, and I also bought her large popcorn and she smiled at that.

‘I still hate you.’ I chuckled.

‘Don’t worry, it won’t even be that scary.’ She scoffed.

‘Easy for you to say.’

‘Kayla?’ A low voice asked and I turned around to the seat next to me. I felt my smile drop as the familiar face was recognised through the dark.

‘Nate?’ Why did I have to run into him here?

‘Hey, you watching this too?’ He sat down and looked at me.

‘No shit.’ He frowned.

‘No need to be rude.’ I raised my eyebrows and laughed.

‘Rude? I think I deserve a chance to be a bitch at you.’ He turned to face the screen.

‘True.’ He agreed?

I rolled my eyes and Faye gave me a sympathizing look. He turned to his friends and they talked for a while. The advertisements started and soon the movie would.

‘Hey, where’s your boyfriend?’ Nate whispered.

‘Shut up and watch the movie.’ I decided to pretend he wasn’t there so he wouldn’t be able to ruin my day.

I was laughing when we walked out of the cinema. Faye on the other hand was shivering from the cold and how shit scared she was. Throughout the whole movie she just kept swearing. Some words I had never even heard before but that just made me laugh harder. The movie was quite good; I just found the bit where the girl was trying to make herself look like she was near death was funny. How she jumped into the glass table and stuff that really got me laughing. And everything was fun until we got out of the cinemas and Nate said he needed to talk to me. I refused but he said he would follow me until I agreed. So I left Faye flirting with Nate’s friends and walked off to have a ‘private’ talk with him.

He was really nervous and he kept running his hands through his hair. Did I mention how good his hair looked with brown and the streaks of blonde running through it? And how his brown eyes looked right through me while the specks of green caught my attention. I couldn’t last any longer with him around me like this.

‘Nate? What do you want?’ I tried to keep my annoyed tone.

‘I just, I really, I always …’ He grunted in annoyance at himself and he ran his hand through his hair again. He lifted his head and stared me straight in the eyes.

‘I’m really sorry about how things ended between us.’ I dropped my eyes.

‘Me too.’

‘I just; I never meant to do that to you. Even though I was cocky about it afterwards, I really was and am sorry. And I want you to know that I had been thinking about you so much after the incident. I felt like seeing you on the plane was a sign and just now, sitting next to you in the cinema. I really actually want to try ‘us’ again.’ I stared at him.

‘Really?’ I asked and he nodded and took my hands in his.

‘Will you be my girlfriend?’

At first I didn’t know how to reply and I actually did consider it. But then I just laughed.

‘Really? Did you really think I’d say yes? That I’d fall for the shit you just said. That you didn’t mean to cheat on me? I don’t think you get it. I was heart broken, and it isn’t as hard as in romantic movies, it’s harder. To move on from the gorgeous cheating bastard that you are took a long time and you want me to just chuck all that effort out of the window and fall for you again. I don’t think so. Sure I accept your apology, and it was nice of you to try but you broke me you dick head and hopefully next time a girl falls for you, you would have changed. Let’s be friends in the next life, Nate.’ And after that I smiled, turned around and walked towards Faye.

‘Sorry Faye, I need to be by myself right now.’ She looked at me and nodded.

‘It’s alright, I hope your okay and when you’re ready you can talk to me about it.’ I walked off, knowing that she would be fine with the two hunks in front of her.

I decided to go home and get my camera and take some pictures at the place I once shared with Ethan. I smiled a sad little smile but what hit me was that I wouldn’t need to get over Ethan. Getting over him would probably take longer then my death, as I don't have much longer anyways. Then I could really say that I will love him forever. 

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Geeee, I really am sorry that I took so long to upload! I've been so busy and on top of that I've had really bad writer's block. What should I write next? 

Oh and please vomment if you like this, thanks guys (: