Living through Lenses

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Life went on, obviously and my life shortened, minute-by-minute, day-by-day. Slowly my health was deteriorating and the people around me were getting more worried. I didn’t know why though, everyone knew I was going to die soon yet still they were surprised when the doctor notified us that I had around two months left. Maybe it was a reality check because I didn’t look so bad; I didn’t look like all the other kids that were diagnosed. I still had my hair and my skin was still healthy. Maybe my parents thought that there was still hope. Well I guess there isn’t, we just have to accept it. I will never make it out of high school.

Sometimes I hear my mum crying. She talks to my dad asking why it has to happen to her, why her daughter? And once she asked me, subconsciously, how I can still smile. And she cried when I answered her with “because I hope you’ll remember me with a smile.”

I still think about Ethan all the time. I wonder how he is, what he’s up to, if he found someone else, someone new, someone healthy and much more alive then me. But every time I thought about him I just direct my thoughts to something else. Like how Nate hasn’t been bothering me anymore and Faye doesn’t ask too much. It had gotten much easier now.

I sigh as I remembered that I have my weekly check up at the hospital today. I don’t understand why I need to go even though everyone already knows there is no cure. I decided to go to school and leave at third period to start making my way to the hospital. I sat down at roll call with my group of friends but after a while I just zoned out of the conversation. I wondered what they would tell me at the check up, would they comfort me again or would they just be straightforward.

I walked by myself to the hospital cause both my parents were at work and I insisted it. It hurts them each time they listen to my progress report, it kills them a little on the inside. I can’t even imagine their pain. Raising a child only to find that she’ll die before she does anything with her life and the fact that they only have that one child. Of course it would hurt.

‘Your parents aren’t here?’ The doctor asked.

‘They are a little busy today.’ I smiled politely as I sat down.

‘Well I need to speak with them.’ He lifted some papers.

‘Can’t you just tell me?’

‘I can, but I need your parents signature.’ I frowned.

‘Why?’

‘I believe it is time for you to be submitted into the hospital.’ I felt my heart pound.

‘No.’

‘It’s not your choice.’ I threw my hand onto his desk.

‘It’s my life, I will choose and I will not sit in this hospital everyday.’ I raised my voice. 

‘We need to take into account that you won’t be able to move to your will very soon and there needs to be professional carers around you.’ The doctor sighed as I glared.

‘It will be like a prison for me.’

‘It won’t, you’ll be able to move around as long as you’re within the hospital grounds.’

‘Exactly my point.’

‘You’ll have visitors.’ He tried to convince me.

‘Yeah, during visiting hours.’ I argued.

‘It doesn’t matter, I will need to see your parents soon to discuss this.’

‘You think you know best, don’t you? I want to live not sit here waiting for death!’

‘My daughter died of lung cancer.’ I gasped slightly and felt my eyes widen.

‘She was a little bit younger then you. She felt the same way as you and I agreed to her wishes. She died two months earlier then predicted because she wasn’t with the proper care.’ I saw the remorse in his eyes. ‘I could’ve spent more time with her if I had acted according to regulations.’ I hesitated.

‘Do you think she would’ve been happy if you locked her up in here?’ I asked. ‘Don’t you think she was happy passing on while with her family instead of in this place filled with strangers?’ He chuckled.

‘That’s what she said as well.’ He smiled a sad smile. ‘Please tell your parents that I will need to talk to them soon.’ I nodded and left.

I told my parents about what happened over dinner and they thought about it. They said that they would decide after hearing what the doctor has to say. I had no choice but to comply. 

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this chapter is boring and slow, i know and im sorry! but i need it to fill up the things that have happened before something bigger happens (: trust me, you want to read the next chapter!