We're not kids anymore - Lumax Oneshots

She Appears In Dreams, Chasing After Me.

Inspired by 'This is what the drugs are for' by Gracie Abrams. Season 4 deep dive into Lucas' mental health.

twenty six days.

It had been twenty six days since the breakup and he lies awake every night thinking about everything he could've done, everything he should've done. And, just like all twenty five days prior, he lay, bedside lamp dim, thinking of it. Thinking of her. How could he have helped her more? What could he have said to ease her pain? He wanted to tell himself 'nothing'. That there was nothing he could've done differently but that would be wrong. He didn't know how to respond to the pain she was in, he hated Billy. He thought Max hated Billy. But he was wrong about that too, he supposed. He couldn't feel much for him really, he was always speeding, always yelling, always thrashing and threatening her. Always her.

"Lucas? Turn that light out, its time for bed," Sue's voice came from the other side of the door. There was a beat of silence. "Lucas? Can you hear me?" More silence. She entered the room slowly to find him looking down at a photograph, "Baby, it's getting late. What are you doing?" He finally looked up at her, his eyes were red and slightly puffy, from crying she assumed, and his hand trembled while gripping onto the photo. She looked down at the picture slowly, Max and Lucas with their arms around each other. It was an older one, she realised, given that she could see Max's old house on Cherry Lane in the background. "Oh, honey." She said sympathetically while wrapping her arms around him. Letting him cry. She looked happy in the photo. Sue had heard that Max was somewhat of a loose canon, especially since her step-brothers death, but from what she could tell Max was a nice girl. "I'll give you some space. Just...get to bed soon okay?" She offered, watching as he nodded slightly.

When she was gone, Lucas dropped the photograph back on his desk. It felt like she was still there, in his room, laughing at his 'nerdy' comics and falling back on his bed, messing up the sheets. But he didn't mind. Anything was better than sleeping there without her. She had spent the night a lot over the course of their relationship. She knew that Lucas would be respectful, that he wouldn't cross any boundaries she was uncomfortable with or overstep in any way. She liked that about him. She liked that she could trust him to respect her, something that wasn't very common with the men in her life. Lucas was very aware that he was a lifeline for her in so many ways. But, she didn't realise how much she meant to him, he figured. She was his lifeline, his salvation. He reckoned that kind of dependency may not be normal or healthy for kids their age but he also knew that they weren't anything like kids their age. He thinks of sleeping. But then the clock strikes 12.

twenty seven days.

Twenty seven days without her. He's been counting all the days since she walked away. He thought he'd gotten used to sleeping without her. Without her sneaking in to tell him about something Neil had done. Something Billy had done. She was the only one out of the party to support him trying out for Basketball, even scolding Mike and Dustin for not being supportive. Now she's gone, and he's alone. Again. He tries to pretend he doesn't think about it, the breakup, losing her. But he does. He knows he is meant to think of it as a dumb middle school relationship. But he can't. He thinks about her in School. He thinks about her at home. He thinks about her at practice. All he ever does is think about her.

He wants to call her. He wants her to know he's around if she needs help, even if she doesn't want him anymore. He'd call a hundred times if it meant he would get to hear her and know that she's safe. But it's the middle of the night. He knows that if he closes his eyes, goes to sleep, then he would see it again. See her again.

"Lucas!" She called from the other side of the field. He didn't quite know where he was but he knew there were daisies blooming from the ground. Spring. He also knew that there was a patch of grass between all of the daisies and Max was at the other side of the patch. As he looked up to watch her again he realised she was running to him and without warning his legs started running in the opposite direction. Chasing him. But he wasn't running away from her, no, he was being playful with her. Competitive. That's just the way they are.