Sh.t Found on Mars

National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) spokesman Mike Martianez announced that the Perseverance rover, which had landed on Mars in February 2021, encountered the remains of an object which is thought to be faeces. Martianez said, "It certainly looks like, with our latest discovery, there is no doubt left that once, the Mars was shitted on too."

"We were suspecting for a long time"

NASA spokesman continued, "Our scientists were considering this possibility for a long time and acting accordingly. But still, when we saw the images and analysis results sent by the rover, we could not believe our asses. I mean, there were no asses to describe that moment."

Gesture of peace?

Frankly, we believe that there is more than one piece of shit on Mars. If the act was performed once, the rest must have followed. Our aim is to identify every single instance of shitting on Mars, because we think that the object found may be a gesture of peace from an intelligent civilization that once lived on Mars. Therefore, before we can send our astronauts to Mars, we have to determine the exact coordinates of the objects in the areas where they will land and walk. Otherwise, they may step on objects, which may cause misunderstandings between our civilizations.

"Our predictions were correct"

We have not yet been able to determine how many million years ago it was made, but our Mars science board is working on it, they definitely know their shit. The bottom-line here is that our predictions were correct. From now on, never underestimate the predictions of our institution. Shit can't be shitted until we say it did."

Other headings from this unbelievable but untrue news reported by the agencies are as follows:

"They said we put it there"

"We documented everything"

"Should anyone present know of any reason that our discovery is not possible, take a shit now or forever hold your shit"

"If you were going to eat this shit"

"We don't shit for now, we keep silent, but if we take a shit, the ground will shake"

"If Elon Musk takes a shit before us, we know what we'll do to him"

"We will also look at Venus"

Evren Bal