Help, I Accidentally Created A Reverse Harem With The Team Fortress 2 Mercs

Please, No More Surprises

That’s exactly what you do. You don’t mention anything of what happened to the others, but you notice Medic pull Spy and Heavy aside while you’re paying for Spy’s clothes. After that, one of the three is always within arms reach of you. Knowing they’re there eases your nerves, which are still very frayed at the edges.

When you get home, You help the mercs bring in the bags. Demo is sitting in the living room and, to your surprise, Archie is walking along his arm, chirping a repetitive melody. Demo, to his credit, is very patient with the little bird, letting him do his little dancey-dance. 

“Hey.” He greets you. Archie chirps again, and he gives the bird an unimpressed look before holding him out to you, “Come get your bird.”

You manage a small smile, setting down your bags to hold out your hand. “Archimedes, to me.” 

The cockatiel obeys, flying over to you. The other mercs file in behind you and you step aside to let them through. Once they set down the bags, both Heavy and Spy disappear to different parts of the house.

You feel a weight being lifted off your chest now that you’re home, but you try to push the events of your trip out of your mind. Even thinking about it makes a disgusting, slimy feeling pool in your stomach.

You still feel a little unraveled. Like there’s some sort of panicking little prey animal inside you, cornered in its den while a fox hunts just above its head. But you’re safe now, within the walls of your home, and the feeling is slowly dissipating. 

“How long has he been bugging you?” You ask, petting Archie’s head. 

“Pretty much since you left.” Demo sighs, but he’s smiling himself. You can tell he’s not actually upset with watching your bird.

“You could’ve put him back in his cage, you know.”

“I did. He got out.”

You laugh and move Archie to your shoulder, “I should’ve named you houdini, you rotten bird.”

“I disagree; I think Archimedes is an excellent name.” Medic cuts in, grinning like a shark. You roll your eyes playfully.

 “Of course you do, hun.” The nickname rolls off your tongue as easily as any other, and you don’t even notice you said it, continuing to organize clothes to give to their intended recipients. Demo notices, though, and sure as hell Medic does, too. Medic shakes his head, planning to ignore it, but evidently Demo found it just a little too humorous to let go.

“What was that, Lass?” Demo says.

“I said of course he does.” You say, honestly thinking he just didn’t hear what you said. Demo snickers to himself while Medic shoots him a glare. 

“Yeah, but you said something after that.”

You furrow your brows, “I don’t think so. Did I?” You have you back to them, so you don’t notice when Medic mouths ‘shut up’ to the Scot. Demo grins cheekily back.

“You did.”

You’re trying to recall, but eventually you give up, turning around and handing a stack of clothes to Demo. “Oh, well. I can’t remember. If it’s important it’ll come back to me.” 

You’re not at all bothered, completely oblivious. You grab another stack of clothes with each arm and take them upstairs, unknowingly leaving Demo to get whacked with a throw pillow. Medic looks irritated, but it’s much less intimidating when the tips of his ears are turning pink.

“What’s wrong, Doc?” Demo laughs, “Or should I say ‘hun’?”

Medic whacks him again. He’s finding himself surprisingly embarrassed at such a trivial thing, and Demo thinks it’s hilarious.