COMING OF AGE | Nishimura Riki

003 | giver and receiver

sato mai 
───────────

Do you ever wake up in the morning, questions what your past life did to make you suffer from their karma? If the answer is yes, then same.

I don't believe in karma, yet that thought crosses my mind a little too often. I'm trying my best to do good deeds in order to receive it back from the universe, but I don't. Are my good deeds just going to end up being a benefit for my next life or what?

But no matter how much that thought has crossed my mind and have resulted in me feeling more unmotivated with my than what I already do, dying is not the solution.

It might be the best solution for me but not for my partners. Life might suck but I am not living for myself, I am living for my parents. Sure it's my life but according to my destiny am I a giver and not a receiver.

Life would have been easier as a receiver but that would also make life more boring by having it easier.

I let out a sigh while I closed my locker and began making my way home. My least favorite part of the day. School is not that fun, it's just not as bad as the rest of the world.

“Hey Mai” A female voice called my name while she walked up to me.

“Again Hanami? Sure it's nice to have a regular customer but you have been buying too often from me lately” I said.

“You are the business owner but complain about getting customers?” Hanami replied out of annoyance.

“I'm not selling because I want to, I'm selling because I need to. You want the regular right?” I asked and Hanami nodded.

We did a quick exchange with her money and my product before Hanami walked away in the same direction she came from. I let out a sigh while I watched her walk away. Even though I only do this for money, it is still sad to know I have regular customers like Hanami.

I bruised it off by reminding myself this is a temporary solution and then continued walking my way home. Lucky for me is my home and school located in the same area but unfortunately not in the same neighborhood.

I kept my head low as I entered the hostel to avoid eye contact with the half-creepy people who live here along with me. This place is supposed to be my so-called home when it's more of a place where just I live.

After entering my room and had taken off my outwear did I walk straight forward to my bed and lay down on my stomach. I reached out my arm to the side and turned on the radio that is placed on the bedside table.

“The car crash happened today at 11:47 in the central part of Gwangju. Up to 13 people were involved in the accident but according to the paramedics were no one severely damaged” The reporter informed.

“That's a relief” I commented.

“Our last national news before moving on to international news. Our crown prince has-” I shut down the radio immediately before the news anchor could speak any further.

I pushed up my upper body to sit up on my bed while I stared at the quiet radio. The urge I have to throw the radio out of the window is very tempting, except for the fact it's the only entertainment I have.

Why are the news always finding a way to include the royal family even though no one cares about them except themselves? Why is even the monarchy still alive when all they do is to travel around the world with the money the society works hard to make.

The society works hard to be able to pay the bills, feed their families and keep a roof over their heads. Then there is our royal family who does nothing but spend our money ruthlessly just to be seen and receive attention.

When I say I don't want to live like a receiver, this is what I mean. Are the royal family doing anything else beside travel to meet other royal families and cutting ribbons at grand openings? Not to mention the fact that their whole life is basically already planned and served before they are even born.

The sound of a knock on the door caught my attention which naturally made me look over at my front door. An envelope slid in underneath the front door. I got up to pick up the envelope from the floor, but wanted to drop it back on the floor again after reading the sender's name on it.

It's that time of the month so I should have expected to see my Mom's hospital bills anytime soon.

I walked over to my bed again but chose to sit down on the floor with my back resting against the bed. I opened the envelope to take out the bills paper and place it in front of me. Then I reached out to a box that I had hidden underneath my bed.

It may not be the best place to hide my saving money since underneath a bed is a very classic spot to hide something. But that spot works for now and that's what matter to me.

My eyes switched between my savings and the bill paper while I counted my money, including the one I received from Hanami today. Once I was finished did I place the money above the bill paper and then looked over at my empty savings box.

So, it was a good thing after all that Hanami decided to make another purchase.