COMING OF AGE | Nishimura Riki

032 | a strange day

sato mai 
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Once your mind starts to collect anxious thoughts, there is no way to stop them. Once you have started the collection, it continues to grow until it feels like it's about to explode.

When you have a collection like this is it important to remember one rule. A rule that somehow helps you through it a little better. Never add someone else's anxious thoughts to your collection.

Your mind is already busy dealing with your anxious thoughts that are based on your life experiences. If you start to add others to your collection, it's gonna be too much to handle. And you may not make it til the end.

I broke that rule. I made a mistake by adding Ni-ki's family problems, Mom's fight between life and heaven, and Dad's future survival into my collection of anxious thoughts.

Other people's problems aren't meant to be yours, I am aware of that. But sometimes you cannot help but be worried about someone with a huge impact on your daily life.

Once my shoes were on I turned around to look at Dad one last time before heading out to school. He was sitting down on the floor and got dressed. All his clothes are too big for him. He must have lost a lot of weight during his time in prison.

"Are you going somewhere?" I asked him.

"Okita asked me to visit his brother's restaurant. If I'm lucky, I might receive a job offer. His restaurant is in this area so I'm going to be gone for too long" Dad answered with a smile on his face.

"That's amazing!" I responded with full excitement.

So, there is a chance that my dream scenario will come true? I shouldn't have too high expectations or else the harsh truth is going to crush me.

But just for this moment, let me have high expectations. Having expectations also means being excited and feeling happy. And I have learned to take advantage of those moments since they are so rare.

I wished Dad good luck and walked out of the front door with less weight on my shoulders. Think that such small things can change your whole day.

⛅️

Today is such a strange day. Today must be the only time I have looked forward to returning. I want the last bell to ring, go to the hostel, and spend time with my Dad. I have spent all day daydreaming.

I'm picturing myself opening the front door, and seeing Dad standing inside our room with a wide smile on his face, saying he got a job. It sounds silly I know, but I can't help but imagine it.

It's fun to sit for hours in your imaginary world where everything is beyond perfect. When the world around you is crashing down, create your own.

The bell rang for the last time of the day. I finished collecting and packing my things quickly so I was the first to leave the classroom. The hallways quickly started to gather more students, all of them had their eyes on their phones or me.

It was too obvious to not notice the glances at me. The news of my Dad being released from prison must have arrived. I don't see any other reason they would stare at me like that apart from that. However, based on the look on their faces, it looks like the world is about to go under. I knew people would react strongly to the news but not like that.

Before any more thoughts of confusion and questions could reach my mind, I left and started to head towards the hostel. Despite leaving the school building, I still felt like I had the same glances at me. My shadow has turned into a dark monster. I don't know why I feel this way. There is no reason why I should feel this way.

I noticed several police cars and journalists standing outside the hostel. I froze and stared at them in full panic. Memories of that day are flashing in front of me, one by one. There sure is nothing to be worried about. I just feel like I am that little girl again who lost her Dad.

I began walking again and soon was about the enter the small crowd. I almost made it to the main door without being seen, until a police officer stopped me. He reached out his arm to the door, gesturing I was not allowed to enter yet. Beside him was the property owner.

"What is your name, young lady?" The police officer asked.

"Mai" I answered.

"And surname?" The police officer replied.

The property owner crossed his arms and looked at me with a smirk. If he wasn't there, I would lie about my surname. Is this some kind of joke he wants to pull on me after every time I have been late to pay the rent? If this is some kind of joke, is it necessary to call the police and journalists to have them as extras?

"Sato. Sato Mai" I said.

The police officer's eyes widened and then looked at the property owner. I took a step back and looked behind me, noticing the other police officers moving closer to me and the journalists being ready with their cameras and microphones.

I noticed an empty gap between two of the cars. I am going to regret the decision I am about to make. With my eyes locked on the empty gap, I started to run.

The sound of cameras echoed through my head while the police officers started to scream after me. Good for me, I know this area better than them, leaving me to have an advantage. Behind the hostel is a maze made of smaller apartment buildings. Some of the apartments have a ladder on the wall, making it possible to climb up to the roof.

Since I knew I had an advantage and the police were probably running in all directions, I decided to climb up. I could hear them scream after me and at each other, but none of the screams were near me. Once I reached the top, I lied down on the cold roof to catch my breath.

I shouldn't have run away. I know better than this. This is only going to make the situation worse. But sometimes you make stupid decisions. Whatever the police want from me again, I am not ready to deal with it.