March 4th 2009
I woke up from a text from Jessica
"Hey Joe, I'm going to a job interview and I need you to look after little Felix. I won't be gone for long. We can hang out and chill afterwards. You down?""
Seeing her name pop up on my phone screen instantly put a smile on my face. I felt a mix of excitement, nervousness, and joy all at the same time. It's like my heart is racing with anticipation of what might happen next.
I replied " yeah sure :)" and I showered , put on my best clothes and headed to her apartment.
"Jessica I'm here" I said, with a shaking tone. She opened the door and we chitchated for a bit then she left. Leaving me and my future son-to-be alone. I let Felix play with my phone. Afterwards I sat on her Ikea sofa and opened the television to watch anime.
About half an hour has passed and suddenly I heard little Felix cry. He fucking saw the ISIS beheading videos on my phone. I tried every method to make him stop. None of em worked. Then I heard the doorbell ring. It's Jessica. Fuck I'm screwed.
"Why is Felix crying Joey?" she asked me.
" Uh he- uhhh"
She grabbed the phone and saw the beheading video.
"What the fuck???? You're showing my son gore videos?"
"It was not my intention to show him that. I have it for a reason."
"what the fuck ? are you some kind of sick frea? Do you fucking get off to it?" she shouted me with anger.
"Ok you wanna know the fucking truth? its because im trying to fucking desansitize myself. I wanna fucking kill myself ok? But I aint got the balls to do it so I thought maybe watching gore might be my fucking solution." I gave her an answer and immediately left.
I cried. I fucking cried until I physically couldn't anymore. I fucked up my relationship with her.
Suddenly I heard my doorbell ring. I opened the door and immediately met with a kiss from Jessica.
" Please dont kill yourself, I know we've only known each other for a short period but youre the only man I can rely on in my life!! I need you and I fucking love you Joe"
I consoled her and told her that I won't kill myself. After that I walked her to her apartment and before I left she gave a goodbye kiss.
"so are we like bf and gf now? " I asked timidly.
"of course dummy. why do you think I kissed you for."
I went back to my apartment. With a smile so large that it could blind a person with 20/20 vision.
I went to bed and for this night I won't be needing my insomnia pills.
