Is its really just me? LORELIA 1

Chapter 3: A Final Break

Shit. Owen blocked me again? I texted him off another account. He sent me my nudes I had sent him because he begged me. I thought nudes were how you get someone to like you. I don't get it, I was always begged into sending it. If I didn't do it, I would be a bad girlfriend and a slut. I was only 13, so I thought it was normal and that it was how you get to be loved in a relationship. I told him I trusted him. There went the pic online. I hated him. I cried and cried. I knew I had to act upon my revenge now no matter what. I was so upset and betrayed by him. Why the hell would he do this to me? I didn't do anything wrong to him. I went into his snapchat, changed passwords and everything to where no matter what he couldn't get back in. I took his nudes and saved it. He got a kick and I told him he better listen to me. He laughed and said " What are you going to do?" I proceeded to show him the pictures and his mood died. He begged me not to do anything. Wow, I was in control finally? I could do anything. I knew he was popular and on the football team. One wrong thing could ruin his life. I thought about my decisions. Whatever, school was starting tomorrow so I didn't need to be bothered. I ignored him for the rest of the day. It was a hybrid day, every other day in school, and it was living hell. I was teasing Owen constantly and making him in pain. Finally I'm not the one in pain anymore. It felt good. At the same time this all was happening I started developing an eating disorder of anorexia and wanting to live with my mom. Owen decided to snap on me one day because I yelled at him for exposing those nudes that reached all the way to Colorado. My uncle saw, he was already mad. I pulled the final straw that day by asking if I could live with my dad. He yelled at me and I ran upstairs. There was constant fighting and Owen kept shit talking to me. I sent out his nudes on his snap where his friends and everyone could see it. He kept getting me in trouble and stole so much from me. He was so mad. I didn't care though. I laughed at him and that day my blades were found. A body check was done on me. They clearly saw I was cutting and starving myself. Shit, shit, shit, shit this can't be happening. "I can't believe you would do this. FIRST YOU ARE SENDING NUDES, THEN EXPOSING SOMEONE! MIND YOU THAT'S ILLEGAL AND THEN YOU ASK TO LIVE WITH YOUR FATHER?! YOU WERE FUCKING ABANDONED AND YOU WANT TO GO?! Pack your things, you're leaving." I was hyperventilating and crying. I pack my things and grandma comes to pick me up. My mother was there. I moved schools and lived with her for a bit. My eating disorder got so much worse overtime. A month went by since getting kicked out and my uncle still didn't want to talk to me. That was fine by me. I still had my vapes and phone. I kept texting Kalee and Jayden every day. December 20th, 2020 at 11:35p.m. I was texting Kalee like usual and Owen texted me. Shit, I was scared to open it. I took a deep breath and opened the picture sent to me. Go figure. Just his friends and him flipping me off captioned "Bros before Hoes". I threw my phone and ran downstairs. I grabbed the knife in the kitchen and put it to my throat about to commit, but my grandma and mom took me away. "Lorelia..Oh no Lorelia what's wrong?. Please talk to me honey." I just fell to my knees in tears. I had no explanation except a guy who broke my heart. I let a dumb guy break my heart. I must be weak, I thought. I just looked up at her in tears still not speaking. My grandma released me and my mom grabbed me and held me in her arms. We sat outfront. My mom told me to take a little mental break. I was breathing, still alive. The world clearly needed me for something if I am still alive. I swore I would have died. I looked at my mom and we started talking. "Mom it's kind of-" Then I heard it and realized. My mom and grandma didn't want me to get air. They called the police on me.

"M-mom what the hell."

"Sweetie you're ill. You just tried to kill yourself!"

"No mom! You never let me choose anything anymore. If I want to die, that's my choice! You always choose things for me"

The police ran across the street as I started crying and gave mom a death stare.

"I hate you Rebecca. I don't even know who you are anymore. I HATE YOU"

I charged at mom and the police held me back. My favorite officer, Officer Perchow, sat next to me while I explained to him what happened. He told me I should probably go into a mental facility. Officer Perchow and Officer Quatzar offered to drive me to the hospital to go into a mental facility. Officer Quatzar was my dad's best friend and I loved him as well. We arrived at the hospital and got me checked in. They handed me blue scrubs and told me to change into it. I changed and they took my old clothes. I sat on the bed and pulled out my phone. A nurse walked in and told me I wasn't allowed to have my phone. I was a little surprised but asked to be able to write numbers down of loved ones and friends. She allowed me to do so. I ignored my grandma's and mom's number because they didn't matter to me. I did write Owen's number down though. I handed my phone over to the nurse and she felt bad. She later came in to me with some food and a cup of milk. I just looked at it and told her I was tired. I laid in bed and she sat down in the chair. "Hey, are you sure you don't want to eat?" I just sat there and slightly nodded my head. She looks down as another nurse walks in the room with someone. I turn over and look at who it was. "Hi?-" I said "You must be Lorelia Varmessa, yes?" he said. Who is this and why is he holding a clipboard? I just look around.

"Yes I am. Who are you?""Right then. May you guys exit the room?

As the nurses leave the room he sits in the chair and looks at me.

"So Lorelia. What brings you here today?"

"Why should I tell you? I don't even know you?"

"Fair, but it's to be able to help you. Would you like to tell me why you're here today?"

"..My dumbass mother."

"Do you care to explain?"

Before I knew it I told him everything.

"I've been smoking and everything since I was 13. I have a close friend Kalee and Jayden. I only know Jayden through my crush Owen. I keep dating Owen and I really like him, but he keeps playing with my feelings. He kept cheating on me and hurting me. He also exposed my body to everyone and I hate him. I got mad and went through his socials and exposed him as well. Which-"

"And how did you feel after you had done that to Owen?"

"Honestly I felt so good. There's sometimes I've sat here and drawn death scenes of him and-"

Wait shit no. I never told anyone about those death scenes of Owen! No one! Not even Kalee. They're going to send me to a mental hospital. I know it.

"You drew. Death scenes of this Owen kid? Were you killing him or just him dead"I just nod. "Yes" and he writes on his clipboard.

"After drawing it I just sat there. He would text me and I would keep taking him back then I got kicked out because I want to live with my dad. I moved in with my mom and grandma and then Owen texted and sent a really last straw to me. I ran downstairs and tried to kill myself."

"I see. Have you ever heard voices or seen anything not there?"

"No."

"How do you feel right now?"

"Neutral"

"Have you eaten recently?"

"Yes."

"That's not what the tray says. Have you always not eaten?"

"I'm at a healthy weight just not hungry right now."

He pulls out papers.

"You're 5'1 and 79 pounds."

"Isn't that a healthy weight?"

"No. We're going to have to send you inpatient for this."

"No! I'm not going!"

A nurse walks in with mom. "Lorelia, I already signed you in. I'm sorry" Mom said.

I rolled my eyes and jumped in the bed I had until they came to take me to the hospital.