Giselle

39.

A child who was just hungry for recognition
The mind that old people's homes will suit you better
My balloon burst full of me
After it exploded, I knew it was empty inside
I asked endlessly, is it okay to just flow?
Can I belong where I don't want to belong?

-No.2 by RM feat. Park Jiyoon

Migyung took a deep breath. Once. Twice. Thrice.

She had been doing it for a while. Ever since Nathan had put a hand on her knee to keep it from bouncing.

Despite his reassurance and certainly feeling his support, she couldn't help but be nervous about this. Large crowds had never scared her but that was before the fall. Now, she felt stuck, almost claustrophobic among a big group of people because they always talked. Some on the face, others behind one's back.

More people started trickling into the surprisingly well-lit room. Unlike the group therapy places they showed on TV, this place was a studio of sorts, white tiled floor and peach-coloured walls to add to the light airy feel. There were numerous potted plants along the walls, adding a positive freshness to the whole ordeal. It was made to be comfortable, not intimidating.

Everyone had friendly smiles on their faces as all the chairs in the circle were filled and Nathan didn't waste time introducing Migyung.

Wiping her sweaty hands against her jeans as she tried to smile and said, "Hello. My name is Kim Migyung and I'm two days sober." Everyone clapped, making her release a relieved breath as she continued telling her story about substance abuse and her wish to be a better version of herself.

When she finished, she looked at Nathan who had a proud smile on his face and saw the same expression reflected on everyone's faces. It was a surreal feeling, to know that strangers could feel proud of her just because she decided to be brave.

"You did good," Nathan whispered in her ear, squeezing her hand and she returned the gesture with gratitude.

This might not be such a bad idea after all.

The leather of the well-worn seats was familiar. So was the cup of coffee and the cheesecake in front of Migyung. Mijung sat across her, carefully eating the fluffy pancakes drowning in maple syrup and butter.

For Mijung it was a huge thing to eat it whole although she had loved pancakes since childhood.

Migyung observed her eating with a smile on her face and took a bite of her pastry as well. It had been years since she had visited this particular cafe. Not since they had foolishly drifted apart.

It was their place. Their secret abode. And they wouldn't dare going there alone or without each other.

"I like being back here," Mijung said, her eyes downcast, almost nervous.

Migyung understood her nerves. "Yeah, me too. I've missed the coffee."

Mijung smiled and took another bite. "So how was the group therapy session?"

"It was better than I expected. It wasn't as awkward or shameful as I thought it would be. Nathan said it's because everyone has been in my shoes once, some still are, so they aren't judgemental."

"Now that you say it, it does sound tempting but I don't think I wanna do it just yet."

Migyung clasped her hand. "It's okay, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. We all have to figure it out at our pace."

"You're right," Mijung said and paused for a moment, gazing into her twin's eyes, gauzing her mood before she said, "About what I said the other day... I want things to be clear between us, Yun. I want you to know that I still love you. I could never hate you no matter what you do and I was just a frustrated person back then who was neglected way too much. Or that's how I felt at least."

Migyung shook her head. "No, don't do that. Don't discredit your feelings. You're right, you were neglected and I can now understand how my concerned actions looked for your already irritated mind and I won't ever say sorry for caring about you, but I will say sorry for how things turned out. I don't ever want to go back to that. It was nothing short of hell."

Mijung laughed, her eyes shimmering but still happy as they gazed at each other with all the love and care in the world with an unsaid promise that they will never go against each other. Nothing would come between them ever again.

"So," Mijung said after a while, a mischievous smile on her lips. "The Jung Hoseok. Tell me everything. Like everything, start to end."

Migyung laughed, her head thrown back and just delighted because it was as if nothing had changed and yet it was all different.

"Only if you give me the deets about what's going on with you and Heejung."

"Deal. Now, tell me everything!"

Laughing, Migyung jumped into her love story with a smile so big, her cheeks hurt but she couldn't stop the words. Words expressing exactly how much she loved Hoseok and how he had changed her for the better.