! This story mentions suicide, death, blood, violence, rape, self-harm, alcoholism and harsh words. Sex too !
You are in an abusive relationship, you run away from your boyfriend Daniel. You decide you want to take your life, but you hear a voice c...
"Isn't that a bit too expensive?". "Not at all, I want us to enjoy the night, don't worry about money, okay honey?". "Fine, only because you want me to". "Good girl, now, what do you want to talk about?". Holy shit. He- did he just-oh god. He called me a good girl. Fuck that just made me feel a certain type of way.. I press my legs together lightly. "(Y/n)?" he chuckles. I look back up at him, "I- uhm, yes? Sorry I kind of zoned out-". "It's alright". I see him smirk, he definitely knows by my reaction that I like being called that. Shit.
We talk a bit until our food gets served and they poured us some wine. We pick up our glasses and clink them. We drink and eat. We talk and laugh a lot, occasionally he'll flirt too. He's just. Perfect. He flirts, but not in a way to make me uncomfortable. He's such a gentleman. I lean my head on my hands and look at him in his dreamy eyes. "You're so cute, tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours~" he smiles. "Just.. You..". He smiles brightly, "Aw, that's sweet, I'm only thinking about you too".
-back at home-
He locks the door and I start walking to my room. He stops me, "(Y/n)". I turn around and he grabs me carefully by the waist, "I love you so much". "I love you too Mikey, let me change real quick then I'll be in your room okay?". He nods and we both walk to our rooms. I take my makeup off and put on a different pyjama this time.
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It's a bit tight and short but whatever. I... I think I trust him enough.
I walk to Mike's room and enter, he just put a shirt on. "Oh, sorry, I forgot to knock". "It's alright" he says then turns around, "Wow- (Y/n) you look so- damn-". I blush and chuckle, "Thanks I guess?". I walk closer to him and see him blush, looking away. "Hey, look at me Mikey". He turns his head to look at me, I grab his face and pull him down to kiss him. He kisses back instantly. He guides me towards his bed and we fall on it, him on top of me, kissing me deeply. My hands slide along his sides and his grab my waist tightly. He bites my lip and shoves his tongue in my mouth, "mh~" I moan into the kiss as I didn't expect that. His tongue explores every corner of my mouth, making our kiss more heated. His hands start to outline my curves and massaging my thighs. "Mh~!". I move my hands up to his chest, then to his face and seperate the kiss, both of us panting for air. "M-mike I'm sorry- I-I still don't feel comfortable with having sex and all that...". "It's okay, I'm sorry, I should've noticed earlier what I'm doing.. I'm so sorry..". He looks down and his face flushes. "I uhm, I need to take care of something- I'll be right back-" he hides his crotch and runs to the bathroom.
I fix my dress and sit up. I feel so bad.. Why can't I just be a good girlfriend? He's probably mad at me for not letting him have sex with me.. - Michael comes out of the bathroom. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asks sitting beside me. "Are you mad at me?". "No? Why would I be mad?". "For not having sex with you..". "No, oh god, not at all" he hugs me tightly. "I just, I feel like such a bad girlfriend for not having sex with you..". "Are you serious? I love you and just because you don't want to have sex doesn't change that. You're traumatised. I understand that you're not comfortable". I hug him tighter and start sobbing. He glides his fingers through my hair, "Hey.. Calm down honey it's okay. I'm not mad, I understand you need your time. Take all the time you need okay?". I nod and he keeps holding me close. I stop and look at him, wiping my tears away, "Thank you Michael.. It means a lot. I'm so glad to have you". "No problem princess, now, do you want to cuddle some more and watch a movie?". I nod and he sets everything up.
I cuddle myself close to him and we watch. But my mind keeps wandering off. I hate that I'm not comfortable with having sex. That I'm scared, just because Daniel raped me over and over again. Deep in my heart I know Michael would never do that, but, I'm still scared. I've already made him get a boner twice and both times I couldn't help him because I chickened out. Gosh I hate myself for that. But how do I get 'more comfortable'? Maybe if I let him touch me more, but not too much. I don't know.. Setting boundaries?
"Michael?". "Hm?". I sit up and he pauses the movie. "I, I want to start feeling more comfortable with, you know, sex. So, I'll let you touch me more, but I have to set some boundaries". "Oh, alright sure, what are they?". "Well, I don't want you touching my private parts of course and maybe not do anything too sexual? Like, my thighs are pretty sensitive, if you could maybe like, only touch them lightly?". "Okay.. What else?". "Don't uhm, just be very careful around my neck too please". "Of course, I love you honey". I smile slightly. I hope I made the right decision. I lay back down and cuddle myself close. Immediately I feel his hands sliding up and down my side carefully, whilst we both watch the movie. I try my best to relax under his touch. This is fine, he doesn't want to cause you harm. It's all okay. I take a deep breath and look at the TV.
I just want to be normal. Why did that stupid bastard have to fuck me up like that.
