Conduct Me (Lydia Tár X Reader)

20

TW:⚠️S/H please avoid this chapter, if easily triggered, here is your warning⚠️
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The next week had been spent with me being unproductive and being sucked into a void, i attempted leaving this never ending void, but was unsuccessful, i kept on bringing myself back to that very moment where lydia walked out on me and thats when i had finally thought of hurting myself in a very long time, i had healed and never gotten to that point in my life again where i would hurt myself, to the point where i would leave a scar on my skin, but something about that sharp object gliding over my skin, its what makes me feel alive.

Few days later

Its been a couple days since i had hurt myself, leaving two scars that had managed to heal since then, i really wasn't keeping count of the days passing by, i wasn't sure to what day of the week it was, i guess me pretending all this time that my life had been put together had resulted me to face this situation, i believe grief and imperfections are apart of ones life, but not mine, after loosing my parents to that car crash, i bottled up all my emotions, longer then they should have and i guess all these emotions came crashing down when lydia had decided to place the cherry on top by leaving me, she was the only source to my healing process and i know how fucked up that sounds to somebody else, but it was the only way of putting it together really, i had hoped she would call me or text me, but i had switched off my phone so i would not cave and answer her calls or texts, i wanted her to worry, si she would feel guilty to what she had brought into my life, thats if she cares about me, these very thoughts were interrupted by the intercom beeping multiple times, wich i really could give less of a fuck about right now, so i ignored the first 10 times it had beeped, until it started pestering me to the point where i had to get up and see who the person was, but unfortunately the person was smart enough to close off my camera access by placing their finger on the lens, i already knew who the person was, so i allowed her in, pining to know what she has to say, more like whats her excuse to coming over here, i sat in bed facing the other direction to avoid direct eye contact with lydia

"Fucking hell y/n"

I heard her voice for the very first time in days, wich lit a spark within me, but i quickly tried my very best to tune that spark down

"Where have you been?!"

She said with a stern tone, entering my apartment, obviously looking for me, when i was right in plain sight

"Thats none of your business"

I said plainly, her body shifted and thats when she had laid eyes on me, i felt them, i felt shivers going down my spine

"Actually it is my fucking business, your my student and as your teacher i have the right to ask where my student has been for the past week when she does not show up to rehearsal!"

She said and walked towards the direction i was facing ever since she has got into the penthouse

"Fucking look at me"

She said  crouching down to my level and bringing my eyes to hers by grabbing my chin roughly

"DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME LYDIA"

I hissed grabbing her arm and throwing it away from my face

"What the-"

She had managed to see what i had done to my arms and had quickly grabbed it and brought it to her sight more clearly, i attempted hiding them, and dodging her hands, but no point

"What have you fucking done?"

She looked shocked to what laid before her eyes

"DONT TOUCH ME!"