Orphans

33

"I wanted to tell you that wherever I am, whatever happens, I 'll always think of you, and the time we spent together, as my happiest time. I'd do it all over again, if I had the choice. No regrets."

            - Cynthia Hand, Boundless

"I love you..." Darina smiles staring into Nadi's eyes and smiling at the blush creeping up on her wife's cheeks.

"I love you too baby," Nadi kisses her before settling back into her arms and cuddling as they watch a romantic movie.

"What do you think Eli's doing right now?"

"She's probably groaning and complaining about this romantic movie we are watching..." D laughs

"And mommy's probably shushing her, telling her to keep quiet..." Nadi giggles.

"Exactly," D sighs as she smiles.

The last four years had been extremely hard on them. It felt very weird and strange to be without Eli.

But yet the grief they had in mourning her was not quite like Ana's. Ana's had been soul ripping, raw, messy and devastating.

Grieving Eli on the other hand was quiet. The pain was nestled inside their hearts and slowly throbbed inside of them like a faint heartbeat. It was humbling.

Perhaps it was because they had known grief before.

And there was this feeling of Eli being with them all the time. They felt her almost everywhere that they were. As if she was with them in the room, laughing with them, or watching the television with them...

And some days Nadi felt as if she could just shout, "Eli, what are you doing looking at me there..."

She thought it was just her, until Darina also confessed that she felt her a lot.

They often sat next to their graves, talking to them, laughing  and sometimes just sitting there and being quiet. If a person passed by, they would have thought that they were crazy...

Perhaps they had lost their minds... But we do whatever works for us in order to keep sane and living...

And for some reason both D and Nadi weren't angry with Eli. One would have thought that they would be, especially with how she did this, knowing the hell they weren't through dealing with Ana's death, but they weren't.

There was this calm, peace and understanding in their souls and hearts. Mr and Mrs De melo also saw that the women were at peace, and that made their hearts at ease.

For some reason, Nadi and D just understood that Eli had to go and be with Ana. And they also understood that they had to stay behind and continue living... And they were okay with it...

They weren't fine, but they were okay... They were at peace with it.

And their friends, had provided them with an incredible amount of support. They turned out to be beyond amazing. The last year, they had met at Diarie's guest house/mini hotel again and had a recreation of that "little" weekend they had had. Even at 53 years old, Nadi's little side was still present.

It was not the same without her mommy Ana or Eli, but the love was amazing. All the mommies had taken care of her, made her feel loved and cared for almost like Ana would... But no one could ever replace her mommy. But still, it had been wonderful and this year, they would have it again.

They would cherish every moment. Live their life to the fullest, because life had taught them that it was short and so it was best to focus on what truly made them happy and mattered to them.

They also went to visit their grandparents almost about twice each month. Em, Ethan, Zoe and Lorenzo also became a huge part of their life. Growing closer with the shared grief and loss.

Sometimes D and Nadi went on double dates with Em and Ethan. And they continued with the Anabela foundation, finding joy and peace working there.

Some of the children with albinism from the Anabela foundation had grown up, gone to tertiary and yet they always came back to D and Nadi, to thank them for the impact they have had on their lives.

Some former students that were taught by Ana back when she used to lecturer also came to the foundation, offering donations, sponsorships and talking about how amazing Ana was and how much she impacted their lives. Some ministers and other important people in the country also often popped by the foundation to also give what they could- Remembering the amazing woman Elica De melo was.

Coffee forever brightening up their home and days with her jolly and hyper nature even as she had grown older...

The dog had also formed a quite rare friendship with Em's cat, Fifth Avenue...

Darina and Nadina's bond grew inseparable. They were closer than ever. They were each other's everything. Understanding each other without even saying a word.

And after everything they had gone through... They knew that nothing in this world could ever break them apart.

It was them against the world. Powered by the spirits of Ana and Eli that forever lived inside of them. Always.

"Okay, shift more to the front baby..." D tells Nadi as she gets behind her in the bathtub.

"Is this fine?" Nadi asks.

"Yes my love," D pulls Nadi's head to lean on her chest, relaxing into the warm bubble bath water, candles around them and a tray of cut fruit, cheese, crackers and chocolate infront of them, clipped to each side of the bathtub.

Five years ago, they had discovered that Ana wrote some bedtime stories for Nadi and had printed them out and asked Eli to make an exclusive book for Nadi.

Eli had compliled the stories into a complete book and gave it to Nadi on her 52nd birthday.

Nadi was beyond speechless. How was it possible for someone to continue loving you this much even though they were gone...?

"Which one do you want me to read you baby?" D softly asks her wife, running her fingers through her hair.

"Princess Nadi and the Candy Thief..." Nadi blushes, making herself more comfortable on D's chest as she takes a strawberry and puts it in her mouth, before giving one to D as well.

Somehow all the stories always had a bit of Eli, Ana, D in all the characters... Nadi of course always being the main character...

"I love you baby" D kisses her forehead before starting.

"I love you love," Nadi kisses D's hand that lays across her soft belly, before getting attentive and ready to listen to the story. 

"Okay baby, here we go... Once upon a time, in a beautiful faraway land,  there was a beautiful pretty princess named Nadina..." D's voice begins...

"We are made of all those who have built and broken us"

              -Atticus

The End

For M.M.M. forever and always in my heart. Thank you for being the most beautiful being I've ever met, and for loving me so beautifully.

Dedicated to anyone who has had their partner pass away.
To anyone navigating grief Dedicated to all the broken souls.
Dedicated to all the weird, queer children with beautiful hearts. 

Thank you to every single reader who has been voting on this book.  Left me comments and feedback. I have truly appreciated your interaction with the book.

Lee Ann Womack 'I hope you dance