Always and Forever

He Didnt Love Me..?

TW: Mentions of ED, internal hate, suicidal thoughts, inner voices.
ᴛᴡᴏ ᴡᴇᴇᴋs ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ
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    ᴍɪᴋᴇ's ᴘᴏᴠ
sᴏɴɢ: ᴠᴏɪᴅ

I finish tying my shoes and I fix my blue collared shirt.

I walk to the front door and turn around, "STEVE IMMA GO TO TO PARK."

Steve shouts out from the kitchen, "OK BE SAFE."

"I WILL," I don't care about safety.

ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ's ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ɴᴏ ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ ᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ.

I get to the park and The Losers were all waiting for me at the swings.

I take a deep breath and smile walking up to them, "Hey guys.."

Bev looks at me and gives a warming smile, "Hey Rich, how you doing?"

I shrug, "I'm doing alright, still sad about what happened but it will be ok."

ɪ'ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀʟʀɪɢʜᴛ, ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪs ᴀʟʀɪɢʜᴛ, ᴛʜɪs ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ, ɪᴛ's ᴀ ᴛᴏʀᴛᴜʀᴏᴜs ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ.

Stanley nudges Mike a bit, "Hey Mike.

I get my thoughts cut off and give a half-assed smile, "Why hello Stan the man.

Stanley rolls his eyes.

Bev jumps excitedly, "How about we go for milkshakes-"

Billy smiles, "G-Good idea B-Bev."

Ben nods and smiles looking at Stan and I.

I gag a little on the inside for the idea of food. But why...

I shrug and push the thought out, "I'm not hungry but sure."

Stanley chuckles, "Well I'm up for it."

I might as well get one, now I feel ill again. Then I realize a pretty popular place.

"Ooooo, I just remembered a good place around the corner." I smile finally feeling useful.

Bev mimics me, "oooOoOoOo where?"

I smile and raise a finger, "Inside your mo-"

Bev covers my mouth with her hand.

She sighs, "Rich no-"

I take her hand off, "Bev yes-"

Bev laughs a bit "Ugh."

I sigh "Sorry."

Bev calms me and pats my back, "Hey hey it's ok rich you don't have to worry.."

"I know I'm sorry, it's just that was the exact response Ed would give me.." I look down feeling stupid for acting clingy.

sᴛᴜᴘɪᴅ ᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ, ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴍᴀɴ ᴜᴘ.

Bev frowns, "Oh rich I know you miss him we all do."

They all hug me, and as tears form in my eyes, I wipe them away before they notice, I can't cry again I hate crying...

Bev whispers so none of the others hear, "You alright there rich?"

I sniff, " y..yea I'm good"

We go to the diner next to the roller rink and ordered 6 milkshakes, we all sit down, Ben and Bev were flirting the whole time and Bill's head was on Stan's shoulder while I was all alone.