After time off to play video games and privately sob I returned to work with my crew. The days became long and unbearable. Time was a slow drip the following weeks. Pointless labor and paperwork during the day, and loneliness at night. Self destruction rarely can be seen from your own perspective. I didn't think I was relying on hot garbage one night stands and cheap liquor. I just wanted a little to take the edge off, but I was surely sinking. I found myself in trailer parks and apartments blistering from the heat of summer. Why doesn't anyone in a trailer park have a damn air conditioner. Leaning against a box fan and trying to turn off my 6th consecutive alarm, I waddled to my truck and started the engine. Only then, did I find out it was Sunday. Fuck, I wanted to sleep some more. My mothers nagging upon my entry home pushed me through the door of a church and into a seat next to my niece. Sober and isolated I heard the words dance and the sweet music blare. I always loved the music at church. I played there before on the same stage with my guitar in hand and god in my heart only months ago. Just the smell of my stale breath and the pack of reds in my pocket let me know beyond certainty I was falling endlessly forever.
