As time passed my healing was progressive but I was emotionally maturing too. Not having them for years can mess you up when they return suddenly. Focusing on myself I was not looking for love. I didn't want the responsibility of a relationship, especially the toxic abusive kind that I had sought out or ended up in all the time.
I received a friend request from a beautiful woman. I mean absolutely stunning. I had to check her profile to tell if she was a porn bot or a real person. Almost immediately after accepting I was greeted with a "hey how are you" as if I knew this person? Only then did it strike me that I had met her at the funeral. She owned that sweet calm voice I remembered in flashbacks.
Why would she text me? I could've sworn that we didn't even exchange names or more than pleasantries. I looked over her cover photo and studied her black hair. Her name in pixels called out to me and I confusedly tried to remember a Samantha from anywhere else in my past... unsuccessfully.
We began to talk.
Throughout the day and into the night we just talked. Our similar interests in music, film, and cars. It was so easy. Never did I think I'd find a woman with the same sense of humor. Sharing memes and thoughts on topics was like laughing in the mirror. Thoughts I was about to have or having jumped in and out of me. It was so nice.
I had thought deeply after that first day if I wanted to date her. I knew it would be something fantastic like a fairy tale, but someone as beautiful as her. Her photos were like a marble sculpture pressing me into a corner unable to look away. I stared at them while I texted her.
This was so weird man. She's not even my type. I liked escaped mental patients. Blonde girls with bright eyes and a Prozac prescription were all I knew. I needed to shove those feelings away. It's not worth the rejection from someone I click with this well.
I manned up and chewed my feelings for my new friend.
Nights became shorter somehow. The glowing phone on my nightstand taunted me with 1 more reply. It'll be hilarious. Then you can try to sleep. Before I knew it, I was being myself and I enjoyed it.
