Sober for a few days an email shook my shirt pocket. I had planned on surprising him with tickets to see our favorite bands on the same tour. Motionless in white, Alice Cooper, and Halestorm at same time!
He would've died hearing that if he didn't already. In my heart I knew I was only a mess because I had no closure or goodbye to someone who was special to me. He never wanted his death to bring sadness and neither did I. Death should be the period on the end of a Edgar Allen Poe poem. The contents of one's life should outweigh the grief of losing them. We had debated this several times plastered on his floor after watching each other get stomped in a mosh pit for hours. I had to go talk to his momma when I left work. I sent an invitation to a stoner friend of ours cause I couldn't do it alone. After talking to his momma she allowed me to spread his ashes at the show. I snuck ashes into a concert in a coke baggie and thank god I didn't get caught because there is actually no way to explain 7 grams of human remains in your boots. When the lights dropped so did my heart. I couldn't do this. It was too stupid. I felt in that moment that i had to just not now. When the headliner, the man himself, Alice Cooper shut the stage down I found a spot overlooking the stage. In that moment the music flowed through my chest. The bass shook my organs and my ears were moments from rupturing. I looked in the lights and found myself again. I poured him out and felt hands on my back reassuring me. It sometimes feels like god made music just for me. It washes me of all wrong and drifts me away. The music and the lights only got louder and brighter for one of the saddest, yet freeing experiences in my life. I hope to this day he can hear live music. I left whole again with only fondness for his memory and my soul reclaimed from despair.
