1, 2, 3, red, yellow, green- red! red! red! red! Stop, I-I keep saying stop, why won't you hear me?
4, 5, 6, 7, seven long minutes in heaven and I don't know what that means but I know that I want to play. I am sitting in my chair waiting for you to pick me, everyone else is playing rings and rings of roses, Hop and Skip and Hop and Skip and twirl if your hair is full of clips in pink and blue and yellow and orange but my hair and eyes and lips are blue
because...
8 will be soon and that means I am a big girl and mommy and teachers say I am no longer a baby, but I am a baby and I want my mommy
9, 10, 11, 12 Mary-Sue has a boyfriend, abc's are no longer abc's because John smiled when Lucy said she has a cup with the letter C, teacher said my skirt is too short and my attitude is stink and girls like me will come to nothing
13, 13 13 13, Let's not talk about thirteen because then I would have to talk about how Chloe and Jane and Elizabeth and Pam and Kim and Emily and Sandra and Anna and Suzy and Natasha and Joy and Casandra and Abigail and I, I, I ...... thirteen names for thirteen hidden wrists and the girls bathroom stinks of sour food, bitter names and ugly gossip but I won't and I can't share anymore because us thirteen year old girls pinky swore to keep each other's secrets forevermore
14, 15 was a lot better, teachers became strangers, boys remained boys and melanie martinez and Lana del Rey took me through the day...school became my church and I was running out of time because I knew that ...
16 wouldn't be the same, it was never quite Mean Girls never quite High School Musical, no I did not meet a prince charming but a guy on the bus said "sup?" and I guess that was enough. Sweet sixteen came around and I was crying in my room like a clown because it's all like kindergarten and mom and dad are there but not really around. 16 lies 16 scars 16 expectations and an infinity of disappointment
17, will be Harvard, 17 is my escape, 17 the world will be a better place, 17 I will dream, 17 will be the enticing smell of a soaring through clouds and lading safe and sound to a place where no one cares and no stops to see what's happening in the crowd. 17 will be nights of praying for college parties and drinks with my prince charming.17 will be all A's and a pretty, pretty transcript and 17 will get me to happiness.
and at 18 I will dump 18 bags of garbage in the airport's bin. 18 I will be dragging my suitcase through the airport of childhood, pushing open the doors to a better place and it has has has to be a better place because 18 little girls rolled their suitcase over my feet and my feet are bleeding but 18 must be peace so I have to keep running. 18 is God's promise. 18 I will be free and if not
I will be making a call to 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1
1-19
