Time To Grow

Chapter 16

a/n: This chapter contains a brief conversation about suicidal/self harm thoughts. Read at your own risk.

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She had been sitting in the office for more than half an hour. It was weird for Lauren. In the short time, she had already started to open up to Dr. Witten, and she never thought she would. Talking about how she was feeling was something she didn't like in the first place. It had taken her a little it at first to get used to it, to really start being able to talk about it. But mentioning her dark cloud was a good step in the right direction.

"Lauren, I want you to describe to me how this dark cloud makes you feel."

"Sad, mostly. Lonely, empty.. Some days it makes me feel like.. like the sun isn't going to ever come out. It makes me feel just.. down."

Dr. Witten nodded, taking a few notes down. "Now, when did you start developing these feelings?"

"When I lost my baby," Lauren whispered, clenching her hands into fists on her lap. "It's not fair. It's my fault, and I don't know why it had to happen. Why me? Not even just me, why them? Why did it have to happen to the baby? It's not like they did anything wrong.."

"You know, sometimes life isn't fair. It's unexpected, and things happen that we dislike. What you went through was not your fault. It was something out of your control."

"But I could have just.. quit Fifth Harmony. Or I could have just pulled myself from the tour."

"How do you think you would feel if you had quit, but the baby still hadn't made it?"

Lauren's eyes filled with tears as she thought about losing her child and her dreams. She would have nothing. No child. No career. Her friends would probably hate her if she had quit. Fifth Harmony would have had to become Fourth Harmony. The fans would be furious. They'd hate her for it.

"I don't think I'd be feeling anything.."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because it's hard to feel things if you're not living."

The room went quiet. As soon as those words shakily left Lauren's mouth, she started to regret them. Dr. Witten frowned.

"I've already had thoughts of.. of taking this out on myself," she admitted. "But I haven't! I didn't do anything yet, but I thought about it. And I think that if I had quit and lost everything, eventually it would get to be too much and I would take it more than a step further."

"I'm glad to hear that you haven't done anything."

"Well, I came to see you just in time. I.. I was supposed to see someone back when it happened, but it's been a little while since then. I was putting it off. I didn't want to talk to anyone. But I started to realize that I was just making myself worse by avoiding it. My girlfrie— my friend, she told me that I should see someone too but I still didn't. But now that I'm here, I'm not sure why I was dreading it so much.."

"I'm here to listen to you and help you to the best of my ability. Now, I know that you're a busy girl. But I'd like to know, how often do you think you'll need to meet with me?"

Lauren shrugged. "I don't know. I'd say once a week but I know I probably can't swing that. Between going from LA to Miami to see my family, the group heading to the UK soon, and then our summer tour, things are going to be very go, go, go."

Dr. Witten sighed, taking out another piece of paper. She wrote some information down, and stapled one of her cards to it. "I can't tell you to force a time block to come see me, especially if you're not even nearby. However, here's my information, and I want you to contact me if you need me. We can work out a time for a phone session if you'd like, and then we can schedule appointments in person when you're more available."

Lauren took the paper and folded it, setting it into her purse. "Thank you, I'll be sure to do that. God knows I'll need to."

"Oh, and I'd like you to get this prescription filled," Dr. Witten said, handing another sheet of paper to Lauren.

"Are these really necessary?"

"I think they'll help."

"If you're sure."

Lauren looked up at the clock, realizing that the time had passed by faster than expected. She stood up and shook Dr. Witten's hand, sighing. "Thank you for this. It feels good to have gotten some of this off of my chest and out into the open."

"That's what I'm here for. I want you to remember something. In life, we have time to grow. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Growth comes from good experiences, but it also comes from the bad ones too."

The dark haired girl nodded, smiling. She turned and headed out of the office, making her way to the parking lot. Her dad had originally driven her there, but he was nowhere in sight. Sighing, Lauren pulled out her phone, getting ready to send him a text.

"Your dad told us we could come get you when I asked."

"Dinah? Ally?" she asked, turning to look over, seeing her bandmates there.

"How did you.. Why did you ask to come get me? How did you even know I was here?"

"Oh, well. I called Papa J when you wouldn't pick up your phone, so he told me. And I sorta figured you might want friends around when you got outta there," the youngest girl replied with a shrug.

Dinah moved over to Lauren, pulling the older girl into a hug. "You doing okay? I know that shit's not easy for you."

"I'm okay.. I'm glad I went," Lauren mumbled against the girl's shoulder. "But with us being busy and all over the place, I won't get to go as often as I'd like. She told me to get in contact if I need her during those busy times though, so that's good."

Lauren let out a sigh as she felt Dinah's fingers running through her hair.

"I'm proud of you, Lauren."

"Thanks.. By the way, can we stop at the pharmacy on the way?" Lauren asked as she pulled away.

"Of course," Ally said. "C'mon, let's get out of here. Mila and Mani want to meet up for food. We have about half an hour, so that's good. The pharmacy is close too."

Lauren moved to give Ally a hug, before the three of them headed to the car. Once they had buckled up, they headed off towards the pharmacy.

"I'm glad that you came to get. As much as I love my dad, I'm happier that I get to see you two." Lauren said, nodding slightly.

"I figured, babe," Dinah replied.

Lauren reached over with one had and placed it on Dinah's thigh gently, looking up with a smile. Dinah smiled back, before glancing up to the front of the car where Ally was driving. She looked into the mirror, and noticed the oldest girl winking at her, a large smile on her face.

Dinah's cheeks heated up slightly as she looked away towards the green eyed girl's hand, but luckily Lauren didn't notice.

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a/n: I'm not totally sure how I feel about this part, but I wanted to get the story updated. I re-wrote it a few times before deciding that this was how it would go. Hopefully you enjoyed it though! Only a few chapters left until the end, and I can assure you that they'll be a lot lighter and happier than a lot of them have been so far. Luckily I know (for the most part) how I want them to go. I'll try to update again soon!