Time To Grow

Chapter 5

Dear Journal,

You know, I haven't written lately, but I have a good reason. No, scratch that, I actually don't. I'm pregnant with my ex boyfriend's baby. I'm crushing on one of my best friends. I'm keep a secret from Ally, Camila, and my family. Does that make me a shitty person? I'm sure it probably does.

I'll start with the whole baby thing. It fucking sucks. Throwing up in the bathroom of the bus was hard. I've always been good at not being too loud when I do it, but my voice is shot. It's scratchy and my throat hurts more often than not. My breasts have been hurting a little bit too. I got to the doctor when we got back from tour, and she said that I'm about two and a half months along . Not too far, but still. Having Normani and Dinah know has been sort of helpful. It makes it easier to keep it from all the others. I feel bad though, having them lie for me and stuff when people voice suspicions.

Let's just move on to the crush. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell Dinah. She was being flirty, sure, but I can't drag her into this mess I call my life any more than I already have. Despite the flirting, I know that she really doesn't like me the way I think I'm starting to like her. Hell, maybe I don't like her, maybe I just think I do because she gives me such nice attention. I really liked when she was helping me get the cake off.. It made me feel happy, and I got a feeling in my stomach that I never got with Brad, or even with Luis.

I should tell everyone soon about the baby. I really should, but I'm so scared. I won't admit it out loud to anyone, but I am. I'm fucking scared, and it only increases as the days go by. I never should have slept with Brad. I knew at the time that I was probably making a bad decision, but I still did it. I still had sex with him, despite knowing I shouldn't. I haven't told him either, and frankly, I probably won't. He can find out on his own once the media find out about it. I can't tell him. I can't face him, and if I were to do it through the phone I'd likely chicken out.

We're headed to Washington soon, so that should be super cool.

Anyway, I'm sort of tired, so I think I'm just gonna head to bed. I'll try and write a little more regularly, but I can't promise anything.

-xoxo, Lauren.

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As they arrived at the airport after their flight to Washington, all of them were exhausted. They needed to be at the White House bright and early the day after. Once they'd gathered their luggage up, they boarded a bus to the hotel they were staying at that night.

As usual, there were fans waiting for them outside of the hotel. Normani, Dinah, Camila, and Ally all stopped for a few pictures with them. However, Lauren slipped into the hotel lobby as quickly as she could. Just the sight of all the fans made her feel overwhelmed. She didn't want to be a dick by not stopping, but she knew it would be too much.

Once the other girls came in, they proceeded to check in, none of them saying a word to the dark haired girl. They'd been given a large suite this time, with enough room for all of them. As soon as they all entered the room, luggage was dropped and they all ran to a bed or couch, flopping down. They all seemed like they were ready to throw in the towel for the day.

The girls all turned in early, and around 2am, Lauren woke up to a bout of nausea. She darted out of bed with her hand over her mouth, trying to be as quiet as she could. She locked the bathroom door behind her, and felt everything she'd consumed before bed coming back up. She fumbled around with the hair elastic around her wrist, getting it off so she could tie her hair back quickly. Nothing would have sucked more than having to wash vomit out of her hair in the middle of the night.