Time To Grow

Chapter 13

Dear Journal,

Wango Tango was fucking amazing. We were amazing. I sounded good, the girls sounded good. The crowd was loving it. It feels really good to be able to say it's done, and done as best as we could manage.

I got too chat with Kendall Jenner, and that was certainly something. She's cool. I spoke with Meghan Trainor for a bit too. The other people performing were great. I love those kind of events, they're just fun.

Mani is celebrating her birthday early, and even though there's going to be adults there, I may just get drunk. I put a few water bottles with alcohol in them into my bag. It's what I need. I need a night to forget. Everything that has happened lately is still a lot to handle.

It's been a while since I lost my baby, but every time I see a mom, or a small kid, it makes my heart ache. It makes me more mad at myself. I was so opposed to seeing someone to talk about how I feel but if I don't I'm scared that I really won't be able to handle it anymore. I've told so many fans to stay strong, and I don't know how long I'll be able to pretend that I'm strong too. So many things sound better than sitting here hating myself, feeling like there's a rainy cloud hovering over me.

Anyway, this was meant to be a shorter entry, and I'm gonna head out to the party once I fix up my makeup.

-xoxo, Lauren

—

"Mani, this party is great."

"Thanks L. I'm having a blast. So many of my friends showed up, and then you girls are here too with the exception of Ally. There's no way it couldn't be great."

Lauren smiled, nodding. She pressed a kiss to her friend's cheek before going to sit down on a chair by one of the walls. Reaching into her bag, Lauren pulled out a plastic bottle that was filled with vodka. She uncapped it and took a swig, feeling it burn all the way down. She looked around at the party as she took another large mouthful. Music was playing fairly loudly, and most of the guests were dancing. Normani's parents and grandmother were standing by a table with snacks, chatting with a few of the boys in attendance. She wasn't sure where Dinah had wandered off to, but knowing her, she was probably taking selfies somewhere.

"Whatcha thinking about?"

Camila's voice next to her snapped Lauren out of her thoughts. "Not much. Just taking in the scene."

The younger girl nodded. "It's fun. Normani has the coolest friends. One of them helped me clean up my soda when I tripped earlier."

Lauren couldn't help chuckling a little bit. "How sweet of them."

"Have you... been drinking? I can smell it."

"Shh."

Camila eyed the plastic bottle in Lauren's hand, taking it from her. She brought it to her lips, taking a small sip, cringing.

"Mm. Water," she said, winking at the green eyed girl. "That stuff tastes so bad, I don't know how you do it. But come on, you can't sit here by yourself the whole time."

"I haven't been! I just sat down a few minutes ago," she claimed, taking the bottle back to drink a little more. She capped it and put it back in her bag.

"C'mon Laurennnnn," Camila said as she stood, extending a hand to her friend.

"Ugh, Camz."

"Don't ugh me."

Lauren took Camila's hand and gave it a squeeze as she lead her to the middle of the dance floor.

—-

"Dinah, it's so good to see you!"

"Z! Girl, I can't believe you made it."

Dinah pulled her friend into a hug. She was relatively close to Zendaya, which was something she was thankful for. She didn't get to see her all the time, but they always hit it off and always had since the time they first met.

Zendaya was close with Normani too, so it was only right to invite her. But the girl had a busy schedule too, so it was nice for her to have been able to make it to have fun for the night.

Dinah hadn't seen Lauren, but she knew that the older girl was around somewhere. She knew that Lauren wanted to drink, so she hoped that she was doing alright. It wasn't until the middle of talking to Zendaya that she glanced towards the dance floor, seeing Camila trying to get Lauren to dance. She couldn't keep the smile off of her face as she watched from afar.

"Dinah?" Zendaya said, tapping her arm.

"Hm?"

"Did you hear a word I just said?"

"Sorry. I was a little distracted."

She followed Dinah's line of sight, and smiled. It was clear that she was looking at Lauren and Camila.

"Which one?"

"Which one what, Z?"

"Which one are you into?"

Dinah blushed. "Lauren. We've kissed and stuff, and we showered together at one point. She makes me feel all fluttery inside," she said softly, whispering it into the other girl's ear. She didn't feel like making the info too public.

Zendaya pulled Dinah closer to her, putting a hand on her hip. She pressed her lips to Dinah's cheek, and smiled up at her. "You should go tell her that. Get your girl." she said, giggling.

"She's not my girl, but I will." she said, kissing Zendaya on the cheek in return.

—

"Lauren!"

"Camz, what now?"

"I see Dinah over there!"

Lauren lit up when she head that, and she turned to where Camila was now pointing. But her smile fell fast.

Seeing Dinah whispering to Zendaya, she started to feel a pang of jealousy, especially once Zendaya's hand was on her band mate's hip. The cheek kisses and closeness between them was hard to watch. She didn't like feeling jealous. Dinah wasn't even hers to begin with, but she liked her. She really liked her. Maybe she was over reacting. She knew that the two of them were friends, but she still felt a little overwhelmed.

"I see her too. I'm just gonna get some fresh air before I go say hi, I'll be back in a bit."

Camila simply nodded, and walked towards Dinah and Zendaya, while Lauren made her way outside, plunking herself down on a bench.

Camila approached Zendaya and Dinah, waving.

"Chancho!"

"Cheechee, Zendaya!"

"We saw you dancing with Lauren, where did she go?"

"She went outside. I pointed out that I saw you guys, and she headed out there. She said she needed air."

Dinah exchanged a nervous glance with Zendaya, and Camila eyed them curiously.

"Why are you looking at each other like that?"

"Because I should go talk to her," Dinah said, starting to walk away.

Camila grabbed her arm, shaking her head. "She's fine, Dinah. She's probably just having a drink and taking some her time. You know she likes having a little quiet time. Let's go find Mani, we can take some pictures and hang out, and Lauren will come find us when she comes back in."

Both of the girls reluctantly agreed, and pushed through the other guests to go find Normani.

Meanwhile, Lauren sat on the bench outside, finishing off her first water bottle of vodka, before taking out the second one.

"Fuck, crushes suck.."

———————

a/n: Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I struggled getting what I visioned in my head into words. But here it is, and the next chapter is going to be a continuation of the party. Hope you're enjoying it~