Giving a Second Chance (Reader/Ghost X Adult Female Chara)

Chapter 10: Trying to Remember

Chara's POV:

I had to leave Ghost's place at short notice. Asriel and Frisk were busy this week remodeling the house in the Ruins. I knew today they needed to get paint to redo all the walls, and especially the Kitchen, since they tore that wall out.

But, in the meantime, I couldn't stop thinking about Ghost. Being so busy with the remodeling and just life, in general, has made me a bit lovesick. Yeah, we saw each other a lot, but it just wasn't the same as we used to stay at each other's house. We never talked about our feelings or anything. In fact, we didn't even talk much before we started dating. Now that we are, I find myself wanting to be with him more and more, and I was getting more comfortable talking about my feelings towards him.

I finally reached the Ruins, opened the door, and walked in. When I got into the house proper, Frisk and Asriel were working on repainting the walls in the kitchen.

"Hey guys, what are you doing?" I asked.

"Oh, you know, just getting these walls painted. Finally getting rid of those old cream-colored walls." Asriel replied.

"How long does this take?" I asked.

"Depends on how fast we work. But, if we keep moving, and don't stop for lunch, we should finish by tomorrow afternoon. That way, we can move on to the next room. The living room, I think. We still have to fix the walls there, too. Ugh, paint fumes."

Frisk groaned as he rubbed her nose. She was getting a little tired of smelling paint fumes.

I looked around at the freshly painted walls. They were white once again. At least the color matches the rest of the house.

"By the way," Asriel said, "You should check out your room. We decided it would be nice to rearrange it and get some new furniture for your room."

They went into the hallway, and turned the right corner. I followed them.

"Wow, it looks great!" I exclaimed.

My room is now a double bed, a desk, and a dresser. Frisk also shared my room, and she got the same, albeit, without the desk. There was also a new shelf for all of our belongings, and some hooks for our jackets and hats. First thing I checked was that my things were all in place. Then... I noticed a pink book in one of the drawers, when I remembered what it was, it was my journal. I had remembered losing it a while back, but I'm guessing one of the two had found it. I flipped through it and got to the last page. It was the last entry I made after Ghost lost his eye.

Dear Diary,

I wouldn't have expected to write this today, but after I fought with Ghost in the hall... I... I spared him, but not without injury. I missed my slash and nailed Ghost in the eye. I was horrified to see the blood gushing from his eye, and I wasn't sure if there was an eye after what I had done. I don't know how I was able to miss, but the poor guy was in agonizing pain. His hands were on his left eye, and he was kneeling in pain.

I just stood there, unsure or unable to do something, while I watched this man in pain. It finally made me question why I'm doing this... why should I continue to get some pointless numbers in the sake of some sick game? Is it because of jealousy? Or pent-up rage? Or just... other reasons.

I'll probably never know.

After reading that entry, I started to lament that day. I had hurt Ghost so badly that day. It's the whole reason why he's stuck wearing an eyepatch for the rest of his life. But, I started to know why I felt pity for him, and soon, felt something more than just pity. The worst part of all of this, was that I never said sorry. It made me feel so horrible inside. I know he didn't deserve it, but I know I could have apologized somehow. And yet, I thought better of it, and kept silent.

It wasn't until now that I realized that I loved Ghost. Not just as a friend, but as a lover. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to kiss his cheek and hold him close to my chest. I wanted to have his arms wrapped around me, and feel his warm breath against my neck. It's the reason I trust him, and feel him things that are about me.

But the weight of my guilt always kept me down. I knew I had still done horrible things to him. Sure, maybe as time finally passed and we got to know each other, he forgave me, but I could never lift that weight off of my chest. I knew I needed to show him I was sorry, even if I couldn't say it. It's strange, but I guess I just wanted him to feel sorry for what I did to him, instead of me.

After sitting in my bed thinking, Frisk walked in. They were just about finished with the kitchen for the day, and were working on getting dinner set.

"Hey, you've been in here for a while, sis, is everything ok?"

She stood in the doorway, and glanced over to my bed.
"Yeah, I was just thinking... well..." I paused, trying to find the words to describe how I was feeling. "There's a lot going on in my head right now, and I wanted to talk to you about it but... I can't seem to..." I paused again.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Frisk asked.

I looked up at them, then slowly nodded, and began talking.

"You know how much I love Ghost, but I also know how many horrible things I've done to him. I... I don't know how I'm going to lift that weight off of my chest. I just don't know how I'm going to apologize to him for all of things that happened a while back."

Frisk sighed.

"Well, I don't know exactly what you mean by 'a while back', but I think you need to ask yourself: Do you want to go around being haunted by your past? At least try to make amends before you let it keep weighing you down like this. I'm sure he'd rather hear you say you're sorry, and forgive you, than have it linger on for years."

"But I don't know how, Frisk. I'm literally the reason why he doesn't have a left eye anymore. I'm the reason he has to wear an eyepatch for the rest of his life."
Frisk tilted their head to the side, and smiled.

"That's true, but he has a good life now. He can move on, and live his life properly. You should be proud of yourself! Besides, he really loves you. He would move the world over for you, and do anything for you. Why let something from years ago put you down?"

I was quiet. I bit down on my lip, and looked away. I didn't know what to say. Frisk was right, of course. If Ghost truly cared about me, wouldn't he forgive me?

"Alright," I said, looking back to her. "Thanks, Frisk."

They smiled, and winked. Then they hugged me tight.

"Don't worry about it. Just remember that you're a better person than you were before, Chara. Your still my big sister."

I smiled and hugged them back. I felt a little better after hearing that, but I still couldn't shake the feeling of guilt from my chest. Maybe I should write something to him, I thought.