Reaching The Stars

Eighteen

Myra's POV

I feel like I can't breathe. My heart is pounding inside my chest. I ruined the greatest thing that has happened to me, why you may ask because I'm a fucking pussy.

The way I acted was like I didn't feel anything for him at all. Like I didn't just gush to everyone about him. I acted so emotionless, like he was the devil.

I'm in my car in the garage crying because I'm a dumb bitch who decided to leave Onyx for good.

Fuck, that means I have to see him tomorrow to get my things and give back the keys. Let me die now.

I look over to see Ashanti is home, fuck my life how will I explain this to her.

What changed my feelings.

It was all too much, what he said. The feeling of not getting hurt again was all in my mind.

Finally having the energy to get out of my car and go in the house, knowing Ashanti is going to look at me and ask a thousand of questions and I'll answer them just not now.

I open the door and put my car keys on the hook with the rest of them and head towards the kitchen.

I'm fucking thirty.

"Oh good you're home." Ashanti says and comes into the kitchen.

Once I open the water bottle and drink some of it, she looks at me and instantly frowns.

She knows something happened.

That's when I just break down. I cry. The only time I've cried this hard was when my mom died.

She comes over and pulls me into a hug. I cry on her. My shoulders shaking hard.

Fuck why did I have to ruin something good in my life. This is what I always do. No matter the good that comes into my life I ruin it somehow.

I ended whatever what me and Onyx had and I have the nerve to cry like this. I was so emotionless when saying no to him and look at my pathetic ass crying in my best friend's arms.

I'm a dumb bitch for this, I know I am. I'm a coward for running away from the feelings I had for him. With that I ruined him, I ruined myself.

"Oh babe what happened?" She asks and we go up to my room.

I dry my eyes, trying to find my voice. I guess I will tell her tonight.

"Onyx confessed he wanted more with me and my idiot ass refused and told him I never felt the same. If you could see the look on his face, I broke him. I ruined him." I said.

I had feelings for him I really did. I don't know why I did this. A relationship with Onyx was something I wanted from the time I started working at his company.

"I will give you a lecture tomorrow about this but you need comfort and I'm going to give it to you." I'm so grateful for her.

"The worst part is I have to see him tomorrow. I'm leaving the job and have to go get my things and then I have to give him back the keys. How the fuck will I face him after this." Idiot dumb bitch.

"Don't worry about that tonight. Go take a shower or change your clothes and get some rest. No more crying babe. Remember a serious lecture is coming tomorrow. Now get some rest." She tells me and leaves my room.

Oh god she's finna go all parent over me. I'm already preparing myself for our conversation.

Ashanti can be mean when she wants to be and I definitely know she's finna be straight up and mean with me tomorrow. To the point where I know that I fucked up with Onyx.

As I decide to head into the shower with nothing but my thoughts, I feel so empty. Like I lost my best friend. Onyx was a person other than Ashanti that I could count on to be there for me.

He always made sure I had whatever I needed, that's the type of person he was. So thoughtful and caring. He cared about my feelings and would talk things out with me.

He's the person I never knew I needed but now I ruined it. I messed up big time and part of me wants to let him go but the other part wants to have a talk with him about everything. My feelings how I feel about him, why I said what I said and anything else.

Onyx Graham was one hell of a guy. A sweet caring man who would give whoever the world.

No matter how hard he tries to put up the mean front, he's not even that.

The hot water running down my body with my thoughts swirling through my mind.

My head hurts from crying so much. Honestly, I have no reason to be crying this much. Yes, I told him I didn't want the relationship but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

I quickly wash up, turn the water off and dry my body. Wrapping the towel around my body, I go to my room and put on some clothes.

Even though I have Ashanti down the hall, I call the only person who I feel comfortable with. My father.

I grab my phone and call him. He answers quickly.

"Baby girl, how are you?" He asks.

"Dad I messed up badly." I tell him.

"What happened, tell me everything." I lightly laugh out of pity.

"Onyx. He wanted to be more and so did I but when he told me I looked back at the past and remembered the guys who hurt me in the past and I didn't want to be that person anymore so I decided that I didn't want that. I told him lies. And now I'm crying like a pathetic bitch, like he was the one that hurt me." I rant over and over again. No matter what my dad has always been my biggest supporter.

I know he's probably going to blow up on me but maybe that's what I need right now.

Oh I would love to have this talk with my mom or even sister about this.

"Darling." That word alone is stern.

"I know dad, I just.. I don't know what I was thinking." I explained the best I could.

"Sweetie, you deserve to be loved and happy, by the looks of that Onyx is the person for you. Why push him away. Why hurt yourself when he felt the same? You gushed about him to me, your father, you talked so highly about him. Why put yourself in that position where you've broken your own heart. I get it the guys in your past didn't treat you the best but honey that's what they are guys in the past. Don't let your past coincide with your future." This is exactly what I needed to hear.

"Now I know Ashanti will be on your ass tomorrow so on that note remember what I said and sleep well dear. Everything will eventually be alright. I love you." I say it back and bid my goodbyes. He hangs up the phone and I lay back on my pillow with his words on my mind.

'Don't let your past coincide with your future.'

On that note I close my eyes and let sleep take over me.