To Capture A Heart

16.

"Sooo?..."

"So what?"

Dee sighed hanging her head, over Lisa and their conversation thus far. "You tell me Lisa." 

"I don't know! Aren't you the one who gives the advice?!"

"I have none to give." Her therapist shrugged. Really, at this point why were they still doing this? Oh, because Lisa couldn't stop second guessing every miniscule thing. 

"Why do I pay you if you won't help me!"

"You need to ask yourself that question, dear."

"Dee!"

"Lisa!"

Lisa threw her hands up in the air. "You are the most infuriating person I know!"

"My husband says the same thing." Dee snickered. "But no, I'm not infuriating. You just want me to validate something you already know you want."

"I just need to know if I'm doing the right thing." She whined. It was frustrating not knowing if she should do what her heart desires, or listen to what her head is saying. Both are giving conflicting answers.

Lisa opened the door, and Jennie stepped in full force. Days since the storm had passed and Love ran off almost giving her a heart attack. It had also been days since their heavy make out in the car. Since their almost hook up in Jennie's room before the lights came on. Jennie inserted herself into Lisa's world. She liked that she wanted to see her all the time, to be with her even when they weren't doing anything. And if Lisa did have something going on, Jennie would rearrange her schedule to make sure they could spend time together. 

She wasn't afraid anymore. If nothing else, Jennie seemed to be genuine in how she felt. She told her all the time. When they kissed, she could feel the sincerity in her lips. She wanted Jennie, all the time, that much was for sure. She guessed she was just nervous about how she was going to keep her.

"Earth to Lisa!" Dee called.

"Sorry." Lisa sat up in her seat.

"Tell me what's going on in that big head of yours?"

Lisa sighed and looked away. "I think...our relationship is about to take a more, sexual turn."

"Oh?"

"And I don't know why I'm still so self conscious about the idea of us being intimate. I work out pretty much everyday, and if I'm not at the gym I walk. I watch what I eat and my body has never looked better. But, I'm so out of touch sexually. It's been a long time."

A very long time...

"That Charlie girl right?"

"Don't remind me," Lisa dropped her head into her hands, "I was in a dark place."

"She was a piece of work." Dee frowned mirroring Lisa's sentiments. 

She felt gross remembering that time in her life. Desperation and low self esteem will make you do dumb shit. That's exactly what Charlie was. A hot steaming pile of shit. 

They met randomly when Lisa was out for a walk around her apartment complex years back. Charlie was jogging in the opposite direction. Lisa recalled how stunning she was in her sweats and sports bra, like her body had been sculpted by Michaelangelo himself. She was 5'10, cocoa skinned, with hazel eyes and perfect teeth. She hailed from Trinidad and Tobago and her accent made Lisa's heart race. This beautiful model-esque woman for some reason took a liking to her.  

Lisa had just hit a new milestone of getting down to a size 20. She told Charlie her story as they hung out and began getting to know each other, and the woman would tell her she didn't care about any of that because Lisa was beautiful to her. It was nice to hear, but she didn't feel very beautiful in comparison to her new walking buddy. The more time they spent together, the more the charming woman chipped away at Lisa's guarded heart. So much so that Lisa went out on a limb to succumb to Charlie's sexual advances.