HeavyDirtySoul

CHAPTER ONE

Worthless.

Annoying.

No one loves you.

I wish these voices would just stop. What did I do to deserve this? I'm so sick of hearing these voices. I'm so sick of being alive.

A gust of wind snaps me out of my torture. I look down at the water below me. All I have to do is step off of this bridge ledge and it'll be all over.

And I do step off,

but back onto the bridge instead of into the water.

"Not today." I whisper to myself.

Weak.

"I'm not weak." I respond to the voices in my head.

Weak.

I just shake my head and walk home.

~.~.~

I push my food around on my plate, I'm not hungry.

You're fat.

I know. That's why I can't eat.

"Tyler Joseph!" I all of a sudden hear my mom yell. My head snaps up and I look at her expectantly. "I've been calling you for the last five minutes."

"I'm sorry."

"I asked, how was your first day as a senior in high school?" She has this huge smile on her face, I almost feel bad for how I'm going to lie to her.

"It was great mom. I love all my classes." I try my best to copy her smile but it is hard when all you want to do is break down.

"That's great, Ty." My dad jumps into the conversation. "Did you make any friends?" My smile falters even though I try so hard to keep it there.

"Yeah this guy named uh," I wipe my hands nervously on my jeans. "This guy named Gerard." Gerard as in Gerard Way, as in my art teacher. They don't need to know that though.

"We need to meet him someday." My mother smiles so I force myself to smile back and nod. The conversation dies down and everyone but me finishes their dinner. After dinner, my family watches the basketball game but I go to my room.

I sit on my bed and stare at the wall for a minute or two. It only took seconds before the voices made their way back into my head. They yell at me all at once. I can barely understand them but I knew they were all angry and insulting. I press play on the radio to drown out the sobs I can feel coming. Green Day blared in my ears as I slid down the wall and sat in a fetal position. I break into loud, painful sobs while the voices yelled at me. My heart hurt. My body hurt. My head hurt. Everything hurt. I want to die.

I heard a faint knock at my door so I quickly wiped away the tears and held in my sobs so I could open my door.

"Hey Ty, we're going to bed. Can you turn off your music?" It was my sister, Madison.

"Yeah, sure. Good night." I force out. She mumbled a goodnight and walked away. I reluctantly turn off my music and curl up in bed.

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A.N. Sorry for the short chapter, this is mainly just to set the scene. The other chapters will be longer. I hope you guys like this. xoxoJersey