HeavyDirtySoul

CHAPTER SEVEN

You're disgusting.

Everybody hates you.

Kill yourself.

Slice your skin.

"SHUT UP!" I scream.

You know how to get us to shut up.

Jump.

Just jump.

I look out into the water I'm sitting above. I want to do it so bad. I just want to jump. I have my phone in my right hand open to Josh's contact. I have a razor in my left.

Don't call him. He doesn't care.

"That's not true." The first tear strays down my face.

You know it is.

Cut.

And I do. I make two lines going across my wrist. Blood quickly pools then drips from my arm then into the shallow rocky river.

I'd die from impact if I jump.

I should just do it.

No, wait maybe I shouldn't.

Yes, you should.

No, Josh would hate me.

He already does. Everyone hates you.

No that's not true. Josh is my best friend. And as if on queue, my phone starts to ring. I look down.

INCOMING CALL FROM

SPOOKY JIM

Don't answer it.

I answer it and set it to speaker.

"Hey Ty, where are you? Your parents are worried sick. You've been out since last night."

I open my mouth to respond but my voice didn't come out. I feel like I can't breathe.

"Ty?" Josh asks.

I open my mouth again only to close it.

"Tyler! Answer me! Are you okay? Where are you?"

Finally I speak, "The bridge."

"Tyler, I'm coming! Please don't do anything. Please."

I don't say anything, I just hang up.

Jump now. Before he comes.

Do it.

No. I can't.

"Tyler!" I hear Josh yell. How did he get here so quickly? He ran over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist and pulls me down. We both fall to the floor and he just holds me tight. "Tyler Joseph, what will I do with you?" He says with a light laugh.

Let him die?

"I don't know." I shrug.

"Let's get home." I quickly shake my head. "Where do you want to go then?"

"My tree."

~.~.~

I just sat and stare out into the distance. We've been up here for about an hour but neither of us have spoken yet. I can feel Josh staring at me though and every now and then I hear him sniffle.

"You should've let me die." I sigh.

"No. Why would I do that?"

"I'm far too broken to be fixed. I'm a goner. There's no getting better for me."

"None of that is true, Tyler. I know it doesn't feel like you're getting better but you are. Recovery is not a fast process. Recovery involves tears, relapses, and pain but in the end, it'll be worth it. Plus I can see you get a little better everyday. You smile, laugh, and speak a lot more than when I first met you. You're already on the road to recovery. You just gotta keep with it. Your family and I will always be there for you also. Stay alive my friend. Stay alive for me."

~.~.~

Josh and I sit in silence at In-N-Out. Neither of us were really hungry enough to eat our meals.

"Thanks for answering my call and not jumping." Josh smiles.

"My mind kept telling not to but I couldn't not answer you." I take a large bite of my burger. When I look up, I see Josh smiling this goofy smile at me. "Whut?" I ask with a full mouth. He just shakes his head and takes a bite of his burger. "You're weird, you know." I say with a small laugh.

We both stay silent for a couple of minutes, just enjoying our food and each other's presence. "Why do you do that to yourself?" Josh asks out of the blue. I didn't know what he was talking about until he pointed at me wrist.

I shrug before answering, "Sometimes you've gotta bleed to know that you're alive and have a soul."