Stray Kids Oneshots BXB 1

⚜️HyunIN-I wish I was I.N

˖°Ship name: Jeongin x Hyunjin (HyunIN)
✧˖°Type of story:Angst

             ♥︎Felix's Pov♥︎

I watch Hyunjin, my best friend, slowly become more and more distant to me lately. It's not like I am mad or anything like that, it just worries me. He used to hang out with me everyday for the past almost 4 years of high school but these past few months, it would take a day for just a reply such as 'Hi' or 'I'm good'.

Is there something wrong? But I guess I can't be the one to speak either because I have been hiding a secret as well. I have been in love with him for two years. I have never told him anything about this but something just tells me that I shouldn't. Maybe it's my nervousness getting to me. 

I pace around my bedroom thinking of something that I should do because even as friends, I should still care for him. I'm not overstepping am I? I call someone who I know is somewhat close to Hyunjin…Jisung. He should know something I hope. 

I call him quickly as he answers it on the first ring "Felix, buddy, what's up?" He sounds so happy to hear from me but why can't I get out of this feeling that something isn't right? 

"Have you heard from Hyunjin lately? Is he okay?" I ask him worriedly as I begin to tap my fingers on my knee. 

"Hyunjin…last time I heard from him is last night saying he was going to the mall w-" I hear Han's voice cut to nothing for a moment before Minho takes over "For a while. I don't know what time he said that though." 

"Minho Hyungie, you are staying with Jisung?" I ask him as I try my best to perk up my mood before people get worried. Put on a mask just for a while and no one can tell the difference supposedly. 

"Oh yeah, Jisung was being a dumbass and hit his toe on the end of the bed. I came over thinking he broke his toe since he was crying saying he couldn't move but when I got over there and looked, it was totally fine. Mr.Han Jisung played the ''it's too late to go home card." I laugh briefly as they always bicker around with each other.

"Ah. He's picking up new cards then. I'm sorry to cut this short Jisung and Minho Hyung but I heard a knock on the door." I said before quickly hanging up. It was a lie but I couldn't tell them something that sounded absolutely crazy. 

I throw on a white shirt with a denim jacket and blue jeans before driving over to the mall. I got my license back in December. Back then I wished Hyunjin could be there because he could have been the first person that I drove with.

All this seems bittersweet to me anymore as I think what if Hyunjin was with me but I still worry about him and if he is doing okay or not. I still remember December of last year when he gave me his sweater because it was cold outside and I was being absent minded. 

I still remember the feel of his arm and hand that was around my arms as he smiled. I remember the words that he said afterwards too. "That sweater compliments you. Especially with those warm brown eyes" he tilted my chin up to stare into my brown eyes  before he walked over to Changbin or was calling him over. 

The phone ringed as my hopes went through the roof but plummeted quickly when I saw the caller ID 'I.N.☆' one of the Sophomores in our school. He usually hangs out with Jisung mostly but still comes around me sometimes. 

I answer the call letting him speak first "Hey Felixie Hyung, wanna come with Hyunjin and I for some shopping? I needed help with picking something for my mom's birthday. I figured you would know more about women since you have two sisters. All I have are a younger and older brother" He laughs.

So Hyunjin is there with him? I wouldn't even turn down I.N, I mean how can you with his cute little face? "Yeah of course. You can always count on your Hyung." I said as I pulled into a parking spot. Little did he know, I was going to 'Run into' Hyunjin anyways.

"What store would you like to meet in?" I ask him as I hear him ask Hyunjin before he replies. 

"Starbucks is fine. Hyunjin would want to get some coffee anyways" I.N tells me before we say bye and hang up.

I begin to walk to Starbucks when I notice I.N and Hyunjin playing around smiling as I see the way Hyunjin looks at I.N happy as could be as they giggle. 

Hyunjin pulls I.N to his body by I.N's waist slowly staring into his eyes. They are so in love. My feet are glued to the ground as I couldn't move. I wasn't even that far away but I hope they don't see me. 

I'm happy that Hyunjin is happy, I mean who could hate I.N? He's an angel. Hyunjin leans down kissing I.N passionately. I am happy for them but I am heartbroken. But it's a selfish emotion, an emotion that I don't need right now. After all, I'm not even that pretty compared to I.N. Hyunjin picked him and is happy with him so I should be too. 

If only I could punch myself to keep telling myself to feel happy for my two friends that fell in love. It's like a lump in my throat, like a brick. Weighing me down but Hyunjin is happy. That's all that matters. 

I take a couple deep breaths before walking up to them acting my normal self. We ended up finding a nice dress for I.N's mothers birthday. I'm sure she will like it, after all she has such a nice son. 

Hyunjin walked me to my car as he told I.N to stay behind as we talked. Why did he do that? I don't want bad feelings between them. Please Hyunjin don't make me fall harder than what I already am with him. 

If only he knew how much I like him but I suppress those feelings until nothing is left because I need to be a supportive friend. "Are you okay Lixie?" Hyunjin asked me as he got to my car. 

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I smile hoping that it would be enough to convince him. 

"Okay, if you are sure.. I am so sorry I haven't been talking to you much. I have been with I.N most of the time helping him study and just hanging out. I also have to tell you something" His eyes shine with happiness making the guilt of my feelings sink me down farther. 

"Oh? Good or bad news?" I lean against the car trunk as I speak to him. 

"Definitely good. So I.N and I are dating. But don't tell anyone yet as he doesn't want our friends to know yet." He doesn't want them to know? Maybe just because they are in a new relationship? Hard to say what goes through his head. 

"Really? I am so happy for you two. Congratulations you really deserve this" I smile as I pat his hand very quickly. 

Hyunjin opens his arms to let me hug him but I shake my head "Come on Yongbokie,don't be shy"

I shake my head before I.N comes up saying  "Mom wants us both home now, she said something about teaching you how to cook one of her recipes" He smiles before they rush off saying their quick farwells as they are rushing to get into Hyunjin's car.

Each step gets heavier as the realization hits me harder. I get inside my car gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. "WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY FOR THEN? WHY DO I FEEL THIS SADNESS" I scream out loud as I need to let these emotions out. 

I pound my palm up against the steering wheel as I scream but the anger turned quickly into sadness. I knew I never had a chance with him. Hot tears flow down my cheeks as I can't hold it back any longer.

I lean my head back letting the tears fall even harder as I just let it happen. I would never cause harm and I just want Hyunjin to be happy but just with me. But he chose who he wanted and I need to accept that. That small selfishness in me makes me hate myself. 

I wish 

I wish

I was I.N

(So this story was inspired by 'Heather' by Conan Gray. Just a little fyi)