Beyoncé's p.o.v
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2am
"All she does is overdoses. She just overdoses. She just takes overdoses. She can't handle herself. She can't be given meds. All she does is overdose. She doesn't tell anyone. She just overdoses. It's always impulsive. She's such a risk. She needs to be kept here for awhile."
Their words ran circles round my head like a dog chasing it's own tail. I'm not just my overdoses. I am so much more than that. I wish I was seen as who I really am and not my mental illness.
I lay in bed, staring at my ceiling. They just made me wanna overdose again. I sighed wondering what to do. I don't wanna overdose. I don't want to prove them right.
I decided to just smoke the voices away. It didn't feel as good as overdosing so I smoked 4 joints. Trying to get high as hell. I was a lightweight and usually half a joint does it for me. But I wanted to smoke till I was sick and passed out. Just like when I overdose.
I don't know why I'm always seeking relief in pills. I used to convince myself that I would do it to just try and take my migraines away. And at first that was true. Now I just do it cause I have pills.
It's not fun. And it hurts like hell. But I still keep doing it. Apart of me wonders if I'm immortal so I take more pills every time just to play with my life a little.
I don't see the point in life. Not whilst everyone thinks I can't be trusted to live. I get why but it's still not fair. They've never provided me proper help and resources so what am I really supposed to do. There's only so much a person can take before they reach their breaking point. And I feel like I reach mine almost every day. My life is hell on earth and anyone that tried to live it wouldn't survive a day in my shoes. I just need someone to save me.
I felt my self starting to get sick and went to the bathroom to throw everything up. Which was really nothing cause I hadn't eaten for awhile. That just made being sick hurt more. A lot more. But I didn't care.
When I was done I brushed my teeth and went back to bed. I felt like i was in the clouds. I don't know but I wasn't myself. I couldn't get my words out. And everything kinda looked blurry.
I picked up my phone and saw I had a message from Nicki. I don't wanna talk to her. She's a total bitch. She told the school that I overdosed in the changing rooms. What a fucking snake. Like yeah I could've died but she should've just left it.
I used to have a thing for her now I definitely don't. That's a lie. I'm gay as fuck and she's fine as hell. But she's still a bitch and I like to hold grudges. I was just passed out on the floor. If she left me for a little bit I would've been fine.
I sighed and opened her message. I could barely see my phone. I think her message said "how are you or something?" I typed "im okay" or I thought I did.
I messed up a few letters but I don't care. I'm too high to care. I sent the text then passed right out. I felt like I was falling in my dream and it was never ending. Those are my favourite dreams. I don't know why but something about them just feels so good.
Nicki's p.o.v
I stared at bey's message, confused as hell. I asked if she was okay and her reply was "I'm ojaye. I jus ohwhhs."
I didn't understand what she was trying to say at all. I hope she hasn't taken more pills. I sighed and texted her again before distracting myself with something.
A few hours passed and she still didn't reply. I was getting worried but decided to leave it for a bit. She might be busy or asleep. Or she might still be mad at me. I never told anyone she overdosed. I didn't even know. I just called for help when she passed out. I was worried about her.
I've had a crush on bey for like ever and I did not wanna lose her. Even though she might be mad at me for awhile, that's okay. As long as she's still in my life.
I'm waiting for the right moment to make a move. I don't know how she'll react but hopefully she'll wanna be with me too. We've been friends forever and I hope it doesn't mess anything up. Everyone knows Beyoncé is gay as hell. But I'm not out yet.
I'm still confused on what I like but I know for sure I like Beyoncé. I think about her all the time. It's like she's my drug. Every time I'm around her I just think of kissing her soft lips. I imagine what life would be like if we were together. I get so lost in her eyes whenever I look at her.
Even though we've been friends for awhile I don't know much about her. Like her family and everything. She doesn't really talk much about herself and her life. But she's clearly going through something if she's constantly trying to leave this world. I don't ever wanna hurt her. I just want to save her.
I need to save her so she can save me.
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Here's a random chapter inspired by my life lol. Sorry for any mistakes. I don't proof read💀.
I'm gonna get back to writing more soon. Lmk if you want a part 2 to this or if you want it turned to a book.
Thank you for reading. I appreciate you all. I hope you have a good day/ night🩵.
Love youu🥰🫶.
