MADMAN'S HAVEN

26

Beverly Frazier

Tuesday, January 7th

I woke up the next morning with a sudden urge of running out of my bedroom to throw myself over the toilet not to completely ralph up all over my floor.

The heavy lunges drained my already empty stomach. I knew my body was reacting to the current detoxification I was going through, but since my body was still satisfied and high from other addictive substances such as emotions, I couldn't come to understand why I had to run to the bathroom so suddenly in the morning. The reason why I didn't use right now was just because of the reason that I didn't notice the abstinence. I was assured that my body was fooled by the heavy physical rush of excitement and adherence.

I had been through detoxification before, and that experience was something outstanding compared to what I was going through this time. My whole body used to react to the painful desperation by trembling and cramping. I was freezing cold at the same time my body dripped with sweat from the fever. I was restless, filled with anxiety and paranoia. None of those symptoms were showing now, except for this one.

I dried my mouth and sighed from exhaustion as I raised from the bathroom floor. No part of me had the urge to go through a torturous detox again, what if this was just the beginning? The traumatic memories from my time in rehab haunted me with disgust.

I refilled my body with some breakfast before I started to get ready for work, and just when I was about to leave my home, I got disturbed by someone knocking on my door. I hesitated for a second. Who came to visit this time in the morning? I looked through the peephole and as my eyes spotted the familiar person outside my door, my heart immediately stopped. My eyes widened with fear and I leaned my back against the door to settle from the nervousness.

The knocking kept going without my answer, and with every hit, the banging got even more intense and aggressive. I didn't know what to do, I was going to be late for work, but I couldn't open the door to face the man standing outside with a furious look on his face.

I held my breath in fear to be heard. All I could do was pray for him to leave. If I didn't make any sound or sign of presence, maybe he would believe I wasn't home and walk away from my house again.

I felt the vibrations from his hard knuckles as he knocked over and over at my door. My stubborn self forced the tears to stay inside as I refused to let that man affect me in any more ways. He didn't deserve my tears, I was just scared of him coming after me like this. What did he want?

"Beverly, I know you're in there," The dark voice spoke against the wooden wall between us. I didn't care about his sentience, I would stay silent and still until he left.

"Open the door, Beverly!" His voice got tougher with his knuckles, and I kept my lungs strained to keep myself steady and hidden. My delay was stressing me out, but I had to protect myself from this man, otherwise, I probably wouldn't show up at work at all, because I would be beaten down or even strangled to my death.

I knew what he was capable of, and I couldn't risk letting him into my house and being all alone with him.

The minutes passed.

"I just want to talk, come on, Beverly," He was slowly starting to give up, I could read it in his voice. Just a bit more patience and he would hopefully leave.

I could hear his mumbles of annoyance as he was only a few inches away from me. The only thing that really kept us apart was the brown woodwork of door, but thankfully he didn't know how close I actually was.

"You coward little slut," He droned for himself, and then, finally I heard how he stepped away from the staircase, and walked his way. I got so relieved as I listened to his steps and how they slowly faded away into further distance.

My eyelids closed as I breathed out heavily to let go of the pressured moment of terror.
I was so glad that I didn't leave my home just a minute earlier, then I would've met with him. No matter his reason for showing up, I knew that I had no chance to protect myself from him. It was not worth a chance, and I would never allow him into my closeness again since I knew how dangerous he truly was.

The only place I couldn't avoid him was at work, but at least I was protected there since there were always other people around.

To assure that he was really gone, I waited a couple of more minutes before I left my home and walked with quick steps towards my car.

This time I managed to get rid of him, but what if he would show up again? It just felt too intrusive having him show up at my home like this. I didn't know if he was mad at me, or if he actually just wanted to speak about what happened to get some sort of truce between us. No matter what, I had nothing left to say to him, and no apology could ever take back what he did to me with his bare hands. It was over, and I would make sure to avoid the man with all the power I had left for myself.