MADMAN'S HAVEN

36

(🎶 Not About Angels - Birdy)

The confusion in Brandon's eyes confirmed that he still had no clue about what was happening to me, why I was heavily bleeding and almost unconscious in his bed. He was yet way too quiet for this moment, which made me even more uncomfortable and afraid of what would happen next.

"I'm sorry, Brandon," I repeated my words since I didn't know what more to say.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Beverly,"

Finally, his gentle words left through his despaired lips, and yet again I was left in a situation where I didn't know at all how to act. I tried my best to let the silence give him a chance to think, but I noticed that he didn't comprehend much by that. He didn't realize this was related to pregnancy, he probably thought I just got a monthly bleeding in front of him, and that I apologized for the embarrassment and the bloody mess all over his white bed sheets.

I held his hand so hard as I collected my bravery.

"You don't understand. What I've done," I wailed among the pain, and prepared him for some sort of serious confession. Even if he still didn't know what I had done, he was now eagerly waiting for the answer, which turned his brain curious and distracted from frustration.

I still knew how to handle him by using my psychological tools, and at this moment, I couldn't be more grateful for that.

"What are you talking about?" He said, troubled by confusion.

"I've done something terrible," I replied quietly and paused to catch my hectic breathing.

"What do you mean?" Brandon asked further. I knew he needed answers, and he was only seconds away from getting them. But I had to take my time, step by step to be able to tell him.

"Your... your child," I stuttered in whisper, looked down at the sheets as I could no longer look him in the eyes.

"What?" His voice was as weak as mine, and I noticed that he was slowly giving up on trying to figure out what I was talking about. Now he just allowed me to finish my difficult speech of confession myself.

"I had your child," The out loud-spoken words made me feel sick with grief, and I sobbed heavily before I could continue. Brandon didn't let go of my hand, which still made me hopeful.

"I got pregnant with your baby, Brandon,"

His other hand was now placed over his mouth, and his soot eyes met with my own as I carefully looked up at him again. His eyebrows were lowered, it made him look so sad.

"Dear god," He whispered against his palm, loud enough for me to hear.

"But I took it away. With my bare hands. I killed it, Brandon," I cried out, ready for any reaction, but Brandon remained, still and quiet, with his eyes still stuck in mine.

No expression changed in his face, and I didn't know if I should feel calm or even more terrified by that surprising appearance.

"I'm so sorry," For the third time I repeated my apology desperately as I slowly shook my head, I had to assure him how truly sorry I was about this and I couldn't handle this incisive silence.

"Oh, my sweet love," Brandon's calm voice reached my ears, and my eyes widened to their limit.

The panic reached for me as more time passed, and my body once again prepared for outrage and violence. I wasn't ready to face death, but I accepted it by now.

I quivered in concern as Brandon approached me with his obscure face. He looked as beautiful as ever, and I realized that if this would be my last vision before stepping into heaven, I could now gladly accept my tragic, but passionate faith.

"Do you remember what I told you, Beverly? The day you decided to leave?" Brandon chose to turn the room upside down by doing the complete opposite of what I expected. He really felt like talking right now instead of strangling me or breaking my neck.

I tried to remember the dramatic moment from that rainy day in September, but there was not much left of memory since I worked so hard the past months to completely suppress that part of my life.

But there was this one thing, this one sentence that I could never forget no matter how hard I would try. But I didn't know if those were the words he was referring to.

"I'm not sure," I replied, trying to search for the answer within the dark umber eyes.

"Come here," He embodied and adjusted his position in the bed, pulling me closer to sit between his legs. Carefully, he grabbed his arms around my chest, and I leaned my head back against his shoulder to enjoy his proximity, maybe for the last time.

I was surprised by his movement, but I decided to stay in the present and delight in this moment no matter how it would end. His warmth steamed through the fabric of his clothes and I shivered by the heat.

Brandon moved his head to look down at me where I laid on his shoulder, and as I noticed I opened my eyes to face him once again. His forehead glistened from heat, making me realize this situation must have been as strenuous for him, watching me bleed into weakness, feeling completely helpless and having no idea of what was going on. Still he kept so unbelievably calm, and covered any sign of stress only to take care of me instead.

A little smile came through his lips and the exposure of his dimples made me do the same. He stroked my cheek carefully as he spared a couple of seconds.

"I know what you think of me, along with the rest of the world, and by now I don't care if you believe me or not when I say this. But deep inside you know that I am not a liar, Beverly. So when I tell you that I need you, it means that I need you," He pierced his soul into mine as he spoke with determined words, and the fluttering came to life intensively inside of me.

"You can put me in any tub, you can run a thousand volts through my brain, over and over again, drug me with any bullshit substance... and I would still be certain about what I feel for you,"

It felt like my heart was going to shatter my ribcage from the inside. His words physically hurt by his acute ardour.

"I love you, Beverly,"

My heart suddenly stopped. Tears started rolling down my blushed cheeks as the three words entered my ears and every feeling of fear vanished like a dream. All my emotions of tenderness obsession and deep affection were now lastly answered, and I had nothing in the world to ever worry about again. Everything I wanted seemed to be fulfilled just by his short choice of romantic commitment.

Brandon's eyes sparkled with fireworks, and once again he allowed a tiny smile to form his plump lips, making my stomach curl into a mess of emotions.

"Why are you crying?" He mumbled through a smirk, and gently stroked one tear away with his thumb.

"Because I love you too," I whined and dug my head into his neck to breathe in his scent.

He grabbed my chin carefully and moved my face to meet him again, this time in the most soft kiss. Our tongues started to dance in the most wonderful rhythm of love. They belonged together. We belonged together, like river to water, like force and matter, and now when all my emotions suddenly were answered as he spoke out those three words, I understood that our love was inevitable.