Black Rose [Regulus Black]

37 - invaded minds & snow fights

There was dead silence as he apparated them back into her flat, and Alessandra's eyes nervously darted to him, following him as he flopped down on to the couch.

"I give up. I don't think Death Eaters can even conjure a Patronus," Regulus said miserably.

"I don't think having a black brand on your arm defines you or your abilities," Alessandra slid her arm around him. "Besides, Moody did say it takes time."

"I don't think time is what I need. I don't really have what it takes, you know?"

"What do you think it takes?"

"Happiness. A good person."

"And you don't think you have either of that?"

"No."

"That is bullshit. You are willing to sacrifice yourself if it means saving the lives of people who have been biased against you your whole life."

"Yeah, but for selfish intent."

"Partly selfish intent, Regulus, what are you even saying? You could continue living like this, just serving that evil man. You'd be in the upper echelons of society if Voldemort wins, be given status and wealth and respect, but you didn't choose that. Voldemort is a safe bet - the man is immortal. But, you chose to defy him because you felt guilty, and because you want to live life on your own terms. That, to me, is a good person, so don't sit there and say you aren't one when you are hands down one of the bravest people I've ever met."

"But...I'm still selfish."

She stared at him in disbelief. All those wonderful things she'd said about him, and that was what he chose to focus on? "There's nothing wrong with being selfish, everybody is. There's nothing wrong with having self-preservation. You wanting to save your own life isn't wrong at all. Besides, you were willing to die to take a horrible person down. That is hardly selfish."

"Even if I am not selfish-"

"Even this, even that. It. Doesn't. Matter. Yes, you're a product of your circumstances which are unfortunate, but you're still here, fighting. You still have a choice to lead life the way you want it. How can you be happy when you don't even want to be happy, much less try to be happy?"

"I'm just a miserable person."

"You sound awfully self-pitying right now, and it's sad to watch," she said firmly. "You won't be happy if you don't even want to be happy to begin with."

"So you're saying the key to being happy is simply wanting to be happy?"

"Of course not, there's more to work on. My point is, how can you achieve something if you don't have the drive for it?"

He sighed. "I don't know. If I'm destined to be happy, shouldn't I get to be happy automatically?"

"Nobody is destined to be happy."

Reg raised his eyebrows. "Gee, thanks."

"No, I mean that you aren't destined to be happy. You create your own happiness. Yes, things happen and your life falls to shit and it's understandable that you're sad, but eventually, you should get back up and fight for yourself and your happiness. And, who said you aren't happy? A complex spell shouldn't decide that for you."