Our little secret

Going out

I didn't want to leave. Not like this. I was like a big emo baby. The girls were obsessed with babying me. Talking down to me. Mothering me. Giving me cuddley toys. I tried saying stop but they just thought I was more adorable for babbling. I was getting so stressed. They liked it even more when I cried it seemed, it gave them an excuse to mother me more, they kept wiping my face with a soft little towel. I had no strength and I had guys my own age being like father figures now, it was basically a slap to the face of everything I'm not. They were all strong and educated and classy looking. I just looked like some jumped up emo chav. I don't want to wet myself and wear nappies but my body is so stupid. Why does everyone treat me like a baby?! What is it about me? I threw myself back in my push chair, lightly growling to myself and straining. This is such crap! I watched them pack me my going out back. Taking the piss at how small my nappies were. I hated them! It was like they were taking out an actual fucking baby I felt. I think that's what they thought. They strapped the push chair blanket over my legs that fastened either side. It was black and padded, I'm glad I had it as I didn't have any shoes on. They pushed the hood forward and attached the plastic rain covering. That I kinda liked. It was like I was in my own little world, no 1 could see me. I had a fluffy tiger next to me one of the girls gave me. It was quite large and squishy. Atleast no 1 would see me.  We began leaving and went outside walking to the bus stop. The rain patted down on the plastic cover. It was quite comforting. There also was a cool breeze and I cuddled down into the push chair. It was warm and safe. I looked to the fluffy tiger, I held its arm. It was kinda nice. It was really relaxing in here. Being out made me nervous, after the last time. I wanted cuddles, I want dr.j....I wanted my daddy....I'm just scared. I peed a little in my nappy. Why body! I'm now gonna end up sitting in a wet nappy. I shuffled around and it squelched. I wished I was back in bed cuddled up with dr.j.
We got to the bus stop and waited about 30 minutes before the bus. I almost nodded of waiting. The straps became a tight comfort. We got on the bus and they pulled up the push chair plastic and pushed down the hood. I was exposed. We were sat at the front where the push chairs go. There were some teenage girls sitting in the back laughing at me with their boyfriends. It reminded me of my girlfriend and my mates. How we used to do that. I used to get the girls. I went to massive house parties. I was the popular 1. Now I just feel like a stupid baby. I slumped back. One of the student got out a sippy cup for me with juice in and put it in the cup holder on the pushchair. The teenagers in the pack mimicked being a baby at me. I was so angry, I knocked the cup away. 1 of the male students picked it up

"No Tom we don't Chuck things, that's naughty!" He said while placing it back.

There was nothing I could do, I couldn't escape. I was being publicly ridiculed. I felt ridiculous. I looked next to me on the other side of the bus there was a baby about 18 months old just staring at me. I'm not like you. Then I started looking at her push chair and mine. Her straps and mine. Her sippy cup and mine. O my god, I've just fucking regressed. But it's worse. Atleast she's a baby and doesn't know what's going on. I do. I maybe older then her but we are the same. She probably has more control over her body then I do now. She'll eventually gain more control over herself, will I ever? Or will I just forever be a baby? I'm not her! I'm not her! I'm a man! U just have problems but ur a man!.....who wears nappy's, gets fed a bottle, gets changed etc. fuck! When does this end? Is my life now just regressed into this! I kicked my legs and pulled on the straps. Get them off me! I couldn't even sit forward. Your just a little baby Tom I thought.

We get to our stop and they roll me out. It was only a short walk to the pub and we got in.

We sat on a long table and the put me on the end. They didn't really acknowledge me apart from 1 girl who was going through the bag. She got out a plastic tub and plastic spoon and a bib. The bib was like a toweling material. She wrapped it round my neck. Everyone was staring. Probably thinking I was faking it. As I had a nose ring and at-least 8 piercings on either ear. I felt like a faker. She began trying to feed me mashed up banana. I grabbed the spoon from her. I can do it! I'm not that incapable. The moment I grabbed the spoon the banana flew off onto my leg. She put the spoon back and began clearing me up.