Our little secret

Day 3 - part 3 (realisation)

Dr.j's perspective
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The nurse left and I was left holding him. He was tiny, delicate but like a wild animal at the same time. He was trying so hard not to fall asleep. His head bobbing up and down. Each time he woke up he was startled and scared as he woke up with a slight moan but after a few quite suckles from his pacifier he relaxed into me again. I continued to soothe him, slightly rocking him. His skin was soft. Still only having the soft peach fuzz on his body. His diaper, cushioning my hand against his body. He smelt of smoke and cheap linx body spray. His oversized black hoodie making him even more perfect.
I sat in my chair, spun and faced the bay window. I listened and heard his soft breaths and tiny suckles. His hands gripping my shirt. He slightly spasmed while sleeping.

"Mmm...ma...ma" he moaned in his sleep and gripped on tighter.

"Shhhh shhh, your okay" I whispered back to him.

I spun back round to my desk and went through the draws to find his file. I flicked through a few pages and began reading. It read:

Tom, is a young man who has had many challenges in life. His mother died suddenly when he was a child in a car accident. He was also present in the car. His dad comforting himself with alcohol to cope with the loss. He has 2 older siblings (brother and sister) and a younger brother. He has disclosed to us he was physically abused by his father and his fathers friends. They often ridiculed the way he looks. His father for most of his life kept him locked away in his room where the neglect and malnutrition has affected his development. Tom has said his dad picked on him as he was a "challenging" child who needed a lot of extra care. At 18 he left the home but has never been able to gain full control over his life, resulting him to resort to physically abusive behaviour towards himself and others, abusing substances and recreational drugs and resorting to dangerous situations to cope with how he feels. Tom has been sectioned under the well-being act for self neglect, self abuse, development issues and his mental health. He has said in quite "I do not know how to look after myself"

I pulled him away from me. His head resting in my hand. His arms still hovering either side of his hand. Occasionally trying to need the air. His arse just approve my crotch. His diaper still too big for him. As I can still see the creases in the top of his thighs to his crotch. I lifted up his jumper and saw his tiny muscular abs moving up and down. His v lines being so prominent creating another dip and gap in his diaper. His ribs still prominent under the muscle. There were scars on his stomach, possibly old stab wounds. I stroked his belly button a little. He wiggled, so it must of tickled him. I smiled. It was the cutest thing I've seen all day. I pulled his jumper down and gently pulled back his jumper sleeve. An arm from the wrist up. Every inch. Covered in scars. I didn't need to see anymore.
He still laid there suckling. He just want to be loved I thought. I wrote a few notes in his file. A few moments later he began screaming. Screaming uncontrollably. His body not knowing which way to go so was moving in all directions but no where at all.

"Mama!" He screamed "maamaa! " he continued.

I grabbed him and pulled him close again. Him still pulling away and screaming.

"Get the fuck off me! Get off me!" He yelled at me

"Shhhh Tom, your okay"

"No man! Get off me! Get o..." his shouted turned into screaming. His screaming inturn, turned into cries. Loud painful cries. I stood up and held him again. Bouncing.

"I just want mama" he cried

"I know but your okay now. Your alright"

The pain of his cries. His whole body shook.

"You have me Tom, your okay" I said

"No! You'll leave me! You scare me!" He screamed. Pulling away so he could look at me.

His eyes were bulging with tears. His nose was red and dripping. He tried using his sleeve to wipe his face while he clucked trying to catch his breath Imbetween sobbing. I sat down. Bouncing my knee he was sat on.

"Tom, I was only scary because you came to punch me twice. I can't have someone do that to me." I replied calmly

"But...but you lied!" He shouted

"I did lie yes but you wanted to leave. I also didn't want security to get involved otherwise they would of needed to restrain you. You wouldn't of liked that. I'm your primary doctor. I need to try my best to care for you without getting other doctors involved"

".....but you allowed those other doctors to make me....make me cum"

"I had no control over that Tom. Their my bosses, I have to do what they want me too. I can't argue with everything they want to do to you. I can only try"

"Bu....but...but you made me wet myself?" He blubbered.

"I did that to show you, you need help. You need support. You medical report repeatedly mentions you struggle to contain yourself. You would of never of listened if I didn't show you"

He sat there sniffing. Thinking.

"But you kissed me?" He said

"Yes I did" i sat up a little and grabbed him under his chin. "I did it because I think your perfect".

I leaned in and kissed him again. I left my eyes open just to see his reaction. His eyes were shut. His long wet eyelashes clumped together. I began pulling my kiss away. He went in for another. My heart thumped. I wasn't expecting that. I wrapped my arms around him. Pulling him in. He stopped kissing and pulled back. Obviously scared.

"I'm not gay" he said

"I know, your fine" I replied

He looked terrified. Unsure what to do.

"I just want you to be happy" I said

He was contemplating. He obviously liked the affection but was perplexed around his emotions.

"I have a girlfriend" he snapped quickly

"Again that's fine" I smiled and leaned back. Releasing my grip on him.

He sat there. He looked frustrated. He obviously wanted attention. But didn't want to ask for it. His bottom lip was poked out. I slumped down and chewed my finger. Just watching him struggle with himself. He looked adorable. I smiled at him. Which made his mind go wild with emotions.

"I want to go back to my room" he said while beginning to get off my lap.

"Are you sure?" I said smirking.

He looked back at me while pulling up his trousers. Still stumbling due to the muscle relaxer I gave him. The sheer concentration he has on his face to try not fall over was amazing to watch. But within minutes he fell. I laughed.

"Fuck you prick" he shouted at me

"Urm Tom, you don't speak to me like that" I said while standing up and looking down at him.

He pinched up his face and continued trying. I grabbed his leg, lifting it up so he ended up on his back. I went down on my knees and began putting his trousers on. He wouldn't look at me. I pulled them up. Consciously around the back. He just stared at the ceiling. I stroked his crotch with the back of my hand. In shock he looked at me.

"Good boy" I smirked