Despair (Book 3)

Chapter 5

Athena

"I love you, be safe." Dad said, kissing the top of my head. We were forced to bid our goodbyes at Grimmauld Place instead of at the train station. He pulled me into an embrace, not wanting to let go.

"I don't want to go back now." I sighed. The ache in my chest had grown so large it was the only thing I could think of. I wanted to stay in bed and never talk to anybody again. We parted and he took my face in his hands.

"Oh come on, we can write. You'll be here for Christmas and Easter. It'll be great. The year will be over before you know it, then guess what?"

"I'll be finished school," I said, barely believing my own words. It was true; this was my last year at Hogwarts. It didn't seem real. The seven years I'd spent there flew by. "It's really almost over."

"That's right, then I can annoy you every day." He smiled and hugged me again.

"Promise you'll write though?"

"Swear on my life," He smiled. "And tell me if something happens." He whispered, casting a glance over at the Weasley's. I nodded. Remus walked over to us, joining our conversation. 

"I really don't think you should come, Padfoot."

"Oh come on, you have to live a little, Moony." He smiled and Remus rolled his eyes.

"You know, you two are practically married." I cracked a small smile. "You definitely act like it."

"No-" Remus was cut off by dad smiling and wrapping an arm around him.

"We were gonna wait to tell you, but you know."

"Oh get off me you arse," Remus said, pushing him playfully. I couldn't help but smile. Their friendship gave me a glimmer of hope for better. If their relationship could last through so many horrible things, I knew I would find one that would, too.

***

When we got to the train station, I saw dad and Harry go into a room together. I felt jealousy bubble in my stomach. It wasn't hard to see the shadows. He turned human again; I couldn't see him before I left. I had to say my goodbyes at the house. I loved Harry a great deal, but sometimes I felt like dad loved him more than me. It was a common feeling I held at times. I knew it wasn't true, but it was involuntary. I clenched my fists as I saw them hug. Soon after, they both left. When they exited, dad was back in his animagus form. I sent a small glare towards the both of them. I wasn't sure if Harry caught it, but I knew dad did.

His dog form started to trot towards me but I shook my head and quickly ran through the barrier of platform 9 3/4. Remus was waiting for us on the other side. I walked over to him and he wrapped me into a hug. "I love you, kid. I'm always a letter away." He promised.

"I love you, Moony. I'll see you soon." He kissed the top of my head and ushered me on the train. I waved a final goodbye as I climbed on board. I made my way to our usual compartment, but realized that nobody would want me there. I stopped and turned away, forcing myself to keep walking. Eventually, found an empty compartment. I smiled to myself slightly and got in, hoping no one would sit with me. When I took my seat, I looked out the window to see a black dog staring at me. I huffed and looked away from him and pulling out my novel. I opened it to where I left off last. Once the train started going, I felt almost relieved. That was, until George walked into my compartment.

"Come back, please." He tried, sitting next to me.

"No. I'm fine here, thanks." I muttered, not bothering to look up at him. He reached out and grabbed my hand, disturbing my view of the pages in front of me.

"Listen, Athena. We've been friends for years. I don't want to ruin that over Fred's stupid decision. You're still my best friend. You are more than welcome in that compartment."

"I don't care, alright! I don't care about sitting in that compartment. Fred doesn't want me to be there, and I don' want to be there. I don't want to have to see him, because then I'll have to face what I lost. No matter what you tell me, I know I'm better off staying here. I love you, and Lee, but it hurts, Georgie." I said, rather harshly. I didn't mean to sound that mean, but my emotions were all over the place. By the look on his face you could tell he was hurt by what I said.

"You don't have to fight every battle by yourself. No matter how alone you think you are, you still have me." He stood. "I want to help, but you have to let me."

"George, I'm sorry." I said, but I was too late. He had already turned away. "Georgie!" I called after him. He paused in the hallway and looked back at me. "I love you." His eyes caught mine. He could finally see the hurt. He walked back in and I stood to greet him. He pulled me into a hug.

"I love you, Athen. Always." When we parted, we gave each other a single nod. "I will always be by your side. It's still me and you, it always will be. You're my best friend." When he turn to leave, I felt a feeling of loneliness envelope me. I couldn't make him choose between myself or his brother. It was unfair, and I knew who he would pick. I sat back down and clenched my jaw. I wished that things didn't have to be so difficult. I returned to my book and not even twenty minutes later Harry came into my compartment. He looked at me for a moment before speaking.

"Are you alright?"

"Just dandy." I said, sarcastically. I ran a hand through my long, tangled hair. I felt my face fall as I looked down at the floor.

"You know, it won't hurt to talk to someone."

"I just can't find the right words to say, Harry. I have so much going on in my head. It's better to stay silent than say the wrong thing."

"We love you. We see that you're really not yourself lately. We're just worried about you."

"Seems like everyone wants me to know that." I snapped. I felt guilty as soon as it left my mouth. "I'm sorry, Harry." I said quietly.

"It's okay. I get it. Just know things'll be alright." He smiled. I let out a laugh. When was anything in my life right? Still, as I looked at him I felt calmer. If Harry could tell me things were going to be alright, I had to trust him. He went through more than I ever would.

"Yeah, thank you." I nodded, ending the conversation. He left without another word. I stared at my feet for a moment before getting up and walking into the corridor. I carried myself to the outside of the door of the compartment I sat in for the last six years. I raised a hand to open it, but let my hand hover there for a moment. I held a great conflict within myself. How could I go in there now? It would never be the same.

I shook my head at myself and walked back to the compartment I chose. I sat down and put my head in my hands. How could everything be so great one moment and then fall apart the next? It didn't make sense. I stared out the window, and felt tears push their way from my eyes. I groaned and pulled at my hair, infuriated that I couldn't even stop myself from crying. I hated feeling broken. I wished things would come easier. I pulled my legs to my chest and rested my head on the window. My book from earlier sat open beside me. Time passed but I couldn't make myself move. I was hurting too bad. When the sky started to darken, I'd realized we were close to Hogwarts.

"We're almost there, Athena." George made his way back to my door. "Hey," he took a seat beside me. "Look at me." I lifted my head and let my eyes fall on his face. He so much resembled the boy I loved, but he wasn't him. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm okay, thanks." I said, breathing heavily, trying not to dissolve into another fit of tears. Without another word, he pulled me into a hug and I started crying again. I held onto him tightly, realizing how much I'd missed him. George and I dealt with everything together. Besides Fred, he was the light of my life. He helped me through the darkness. His hand rested on the back of my head, letting me cry to him.

"Things are going to work themselves out." He promised. I could only hope he was right.