Despair (Book 3)

Chapter 8

Athena

Two months had passed, and I still could barely look at Fred. I noticed, him and a George had begun to create their skiving snackboxes. I scowled the first day they whipped them out, knowing I was the one who gave them the name. Not one ounce of credit was given to me for it on Fred's behalf. He was pretending I didn't exist. I noticed him staring often, but I couldn't help but feel like it was at Eli. It seemed like he was gaining feelings for her. It was getting harder for me each day, and I think people were starting to notice. I didn't speak out in class anymore, I didn't make smart remarks and I didn't make fun of anyone. I just sat quietly by Eli and did my work. I want even talking back much to Snape, which everybody found baffling.

Eliana was the only person I really talked to other than Harry. George sort of stopped trying once he realized I wasn't coming back, and Lee just sent sad looks over at me every now and again. I didn't eat much anymore, I wasn't sleeping well, and I was at the end of my line. The only thing keeping me sane was the letters from Remus and my father. I felt disgusting. I had lost weight, I was always out of it, and I couldn't get my right headspace back.

"Athena!" I snapped my head up and looked at Eli, who was staring at me intently. Her tone was loud. She'd grown much more comfortable in the castle as the weeks passed. She was a really Gryffindor now, outgoing, courageous, and daring. She was becoming more important to me as each day went by. She was like family, now. We were never separated. 

"Yeah?" I muttered.

"I've been talking for the last three minutes, did you catch any of it?" She asked.

"No, sorry." I smiled sheepishly.

"I am so worried about you, okay? You need to eat. Please, it won't hurt anything, just something." She begged. I looked down at my plate that remained empty. My stomach grumbled at the sight. I was hungry, but every time I ate I felt nauseous.

"Okay," I whispered. "I will." I looked at her. She gave me a small, comforting smile. When I looked back down, food had appeared. I took a deep breath and slowly began to eat. For the first time in weeks, I finished a full meal. I took a breath as I let it settle. I didn't feel sick yet. I looked around and saw George grinning at me from a few seats away. He looked so happy at my actions. He gave me a thumbs up, and I couldn't help but smile back at him. Despite us not talking, he still sent me reassuring looks all of the time. I missed him like crazy, but I had Eli. Fred needed someone, too.

"Good job!" Eli smiled. "Now keep it up, I expect you to eat again tomorrow morning." She said, raising an eyebrow.

"I will, I promise."

**

By the time potions came the next morning, I had no motivation to do anything. I felt bloated and tired, ready to go back to bed. Snape saw and didn't push it. Even he knew his limits and he knew where to draw a line. "Athena, listen." Eli snapped me out of my daydream and I looked towards the chalkboard.

"Yeah, sorry." I muttered and watched Snape writing some instructions on his chalk board.

"Draught of living death. You have an hour and a half. Go, now." He ordered and everyone scrambled to get what they needed. I opened my book and read all the instructions carefully before starting the first task.

About halfway through the class, Snape and his long black cloak came towering over to me. He stared intently at my potion for a moment, and nodded before opening his mouth. "What's the matter, Black? You look terrible." He drawled. I gave him a look from the corner of my eye.

"Nothing, I'm okay." I sighed and dropped the last of the ingredients into my cauldron. "I'll be fine after some time."

"You've looked like this since you got back here this year. I'd say it's about time you've done something about it." He whispered. He didn't want anyone to hear his words. He was being kind, something I wasn't used to from him. "At least you have something on Weasley." He told me. I went rigid at the mention of his name.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" I asked. I stirred the liquid in a counter-clockwise motion.

"You're ten times smarter than he'll ever be. Your grades are dropping. The longer you worry about him." He paused and looked over at the ginger who was struggling. His sight fell back on me. "The less of a chance you'll have at becoming an Auror. You can do a lot better, I know you can." I looked at him, and for the first time since I've met him, I appreciated him. With his encouragement, I felt a little better. I found a motive to pick myself back up.

"Thank you, professor." As I stirred, the liquid turned from a pale lilac to a clear colour. I smiled triumphantly as I looked down at it. For the first time in a while, I finished a potion to perfection.

**

I collapsed on Eli's bed and curled up in her sheets, not wanting to do anything else. "You're such a lazy-arse." she told me. I shrugged.

"I know, now come lay with me I'm cold." I smiled at my best friend. She rolled her eyes and tied her hair up and the crawled into the bed behind me, wrapping her arms around me.

"I don't think this is fair. You're always the little spoon. Is it because I'm fat?" She joked. It turned around and faced her, giving her an eye roll.

"No. It's because you're better than me and I need protection from the world." I stated and she laughed.

"Whatever, at least let me braid your hair. It's in my face." She said and I sat up. She pulled the layered, choppy black hair off of my shoulders. She started with a regular braid and then gave up, because most of it was falling out. She took it out and began to French braid it. She gave up when she finished and my bangs still fell out. "You know what, it's good enough." She smiled and I nodded.

"Why do you have to be so pretty?" I asked her and pushed the hair from her face when it fell. "It's not fair. Really gives me an inferiority complex, you know."

"As if." She scoffed. "You're one to talk."

"Don't argue, or I won't sit with you tomorrow." She closed her mouth and I smiled. "If you didn't know, I'm staying here the night." I stated and laid my head on her stomach. She smiled as she let me lay there, not making a sound.

"Athena?" She asked. Her fingers danced in my loose hour around my face.

"Yes?"

"Do you still love Fred?" She asked. I sat there for a minute and thought. I almost laughed at the question. Of course I still loved Fred. He owned my heart, and I always would. He was my first real love, but it felt like more than that. I was so in love with Fred Weasley and I didn't believe I'd ever stop. My chest was heavy at the thought.

"I do," I whispered, and gave a small smile. "I think I will no matter what. It sounds stupid, but a part of me will always be his." I admitted.

"That's cute, really, but that prat broke you. I don't see how you could still be in love with him for doing that to you." She ran her thumb over my cheek. "You're a walking mess, and it's all his fault. I'm sorry, but I worry about you. I can't help but blame him." She told me and I sighed.

"I understand if you don't get it, I really do. But I still love him, I can't help it. It's pathetic, I'm aware, but he's... Perfect." I laughed stupidly. "He helped me through my worst days, and picked me up when I couldn't do it myself. I thought I'd marry him someday."

"Whatever you say, Ath." She smiled. I returned it and leaned up, kissing her cheek softly.

"Whatever, I'm going to sleep." I smiled. "I love you, Malfoy."

"I love you too, Black."