You Have My Devotion- Zarry

Progress

"Four good things happened to me," Zayn was too excited to wait for the question. For the first time in the last few months, he was somewhat happy.

"Good morning to you too," Dr. Horan says ignoring the statement. He relaxes into his seat and brings out the same red notebook, it does dampen his mood a little bit but right now he is trying to focus on the good things.

"Good morning," He says. The doctor nods and starts scribbling something into the notebook, "How are you feeling today?" Little annoyed right now, he wants to answer. But refrains himself from being rude.

"Better than last time," He settles upon.

"It's good to hear, that's what you are here for," Again Zayn wants to let him know that it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with the things he so badly wants to talk about but the doctor just keeps wasting time.

He starts getting a little fidgety, his index finger shaking against the arm of the couch. He brings his hand back when he notices the doctor is looking right at his hand. He knows the next question even before he hears it, "Did you take your meds today?"

"No," He answers hiding his fingers in a tight fist so that they will stop shaking. "Did you ever?" The doctor asks again and without missing a bit he replies, "Never,"

In the last few weeks since he started going to the therapy, the doctor has prescribed a shit ton of meds for him but he never took them. He never needed to. He is better now that he is out of the hospital and the medicines just remind him of the brutal times and Zayn doesn't need that kind of reminder in his life.

"Tell me Zayn, why won't you help yourself?" There is no heat behind the question he knows, his calm demeanor still intact as he waits with the same patience that he has shown him since the day one for an answer, an answer that will be documented in his notes.

How can someone be honest when you know the person in front of you is going to judge you for your answers? It's a stupid tactic. They should really be considering ditching their methods, people don't need someone to analyze their problems, sometimes they just want you to listen.

"I don't need help. I am fine," He is stubborn that's the only judgment the doctor is going to get out of him.

"Very well, you know yourself better," The doctor rests the pad on the table in front of him and Zayn thinks maybe it's finally time to talk about what he actually wanted to talk about. "Ask me, come on," He urges the doctor.

"Ask you what?" Dr. Horan looks at him amused.

"Four things about me. Last time it was five, so I reckon this time it will be four right?" He explains.

He smiles a little pointing at the clock on the same table, "I already did ask you four things, besides the time is up," He is smirking a little at the end of the sentence.

Zayn slumps back on the couch defeated, unable to believe the doctor just wasted his questions on the lame things, he probably already knew the answers too.

"It's good to know that you want to talk more though. I will call that progress." The doctor is smirking again.

***

He stood in front of the mirror trying on the fourth attire. It's a simple black t-shirt with rolling stones printed on the top, their American tour t-shirt paired with black ripped jeans and boots. He is not the one to doubt himself when it comes to his looks, he knows very well what he looks like.

But today, it's different. He has been invited to dinner at his best friend's house, the very same best friend he almost got killed. The one he didn't have the heart to look into his eyes. When he opened his eyes for the first time after a whole week of being subconscious that was his first question, How's Louis? He dreaded the answer. In fact, he didn't know what he would do with himself if something happened to him because of him.

Thankfully, Louis was discharged before he even woke up but Zayn said he didn't wanna meet him while he was in the hospital. He was too ashamed of himself. Maybe a little selfish too, in the state of total weakness, he didn't know if he could take the hatred of his best friend.

But Louis didn't hate him, he was pissed at Zayn for ever thinking of that bullshit, a little mad and all that came out as yelling when he finally got the courage the call him, both of them cried then, on the phone call and swore at the end to never let anyone know about their crying session.

Louis did invite him to meet him, saying now that he is not in the hospital nothing can stop them to see each other.

He walked up to the familiar front porch, praying for a little more courage as he knocked on the door and soon enough he was greeted by Louis.

"Oi oi," Comes the voice from behind the door as he is engulfed in a hug it's a little too tight and it hurts his stitches a little but Zayn is not going to tell him that, he needs this right now.

"Stop, you are probably hurting him," Eleanor walks into the living room and greets him. Zayn feels the old familiar inkling of happiness creep into his heart being surrounded by his best friends.

"Nah, it's okay," He answers.

"See, he says it's okay," He pokes out his tongue at his girlfriend like a damn child.

"Hi babe," Eleanor hugs him. "Still as sexy as ever," She pecks his cheek and Zayn smiles as the blast of memories in his head. The countless times they have done this before, the four of them used to have so much fun. Go on double dates, Louis, Eleanor, him, and Perrie.

He looks around the house, the couple moved in a few months back. It's littered with photos of them on the wall. Mostly of Louis posing with a football which he liked to show off to his guests. He sucks at it mostly, but that's a secret mostly his close ones know.

They sit at the dining table and he notices the big ugly scar stretching on his right arm, his smile falters which doesn't go unnoticed by both of them.

"It was not your fault," Louis says and Zayn wants to believe that badly. But it kind of is.

"I am sorry," He says as a tear rolls down his cheek.

"Hey, now mate. Come on, we had a deal remember," Louis reminds him. "Besides this emotional drama isn't going to fill my stomach is it?" Louis Tomlinson can be serious for exactly sixty seconds max, Zayn knows he counted. A smile breaks out on his face.

The smell reaches his stomach first before he even has a chance to lift the lid, "Is it?"

Eleanor grins, "Yes,"

"I had it made specially for you," Louis says proud of himself. And indeed it's his favorite chicken biryani, and he cannot stop the moan that erupts from his mouth. "It's fucking delicious, El."

"It fucking is," Louis agrees.

"Language," Eleanor warns him which gets his attention, "Since when did you start censoring him,"

Both Louis and Eleanor look at him, and they are blushing at the same time. Zayn is a little clueless. "We are trying to get pregnant," Louis says holding onto Eleanor's hand.

Zayn is torn, at the new piece of information. He is obviously happy for them, "Congratulations, you guys. You are officially going to be adults now." Louis rolls his eyes at the comment but the smile doesn't leave his eyes.

Then he stands up, "I uh, I actually have to go. I just realized I haven't taken my meds and Dr. Horan is going to be after my neck if I miss just one day," He thinks of the first lie in his mind.

They are probably too happy to notice and Zayn is a little relieved but for some reason a lot angry and he needs to get out as soon as possible before he ruins another thing in Louis's life.

"Bye, I will see you two around," Then he leaves.