You Have My Devotion- Zarry

Let me kiss you

17 September 2018

We talked about Gulistan today. It was surreal listening to him recite all the poems he had memorized by heart. I think I can listen to him talk all day. For all of my time.

15 October 2018

Today, he told me we can know a lot about people just by observing them at work. I think it could be true. I can see how passionate he is about his work. He cares about the artifacts like they are his own child. His face has that constant smile whenever he talks about their history. I hope someday he will smile like that talking about me too. Have I told you he had the most beautiful green eyes? They are my favorite, both his eyes and the color.

28 October 2018

I may have fibbed a little today. I didn't tell you but I have been meaning to ask him out for so many days but I guess maybe I lacked some courage so I was glad when it happened authentically. The expression on his face after the suggestion was not what I had expected. It almost hurt me a little, but I think he was going to turn me down so I quickly added, 'Just hanging out outside work as friends'. There was a slight hesitation still but he eventually agreed. I just feel bad for lying to Harry. It's just that I am a little selfish and everything that I am feeling towards him ever since we started talking it's far from that. It's more than friendship. He and I can never be friends. I just hope he doesn't think of me as one.

15 November 2018

Our first 'mate-hangout' almost went perfectly. We didn't go to a fancy restaurant because that's what you do on dates. Instead, we just strolled together around the city keeping a safe distance between the two of us. He talked, I listened and when I talked, he paid attention to every word that came out of my mouth. We ate street food whichever one was immediately available. He wanted to try spicy food but just couldn't eat more than two bites. He looked very cute though trying to hide how bothered he was. He is not the one to give up easily let me tell you. My almost favorite part of the night was when we came across a violin player on the street. He challenged me to dance and as you know I don't back down either. So it was hilarious, with me stomping over his shoe and him stumbling over me. It was stupid but much like the song playing, I like me better when I am with him.

I knew for the first time, I'd stay for a long time 'cause

I like me better when I am with you

At that moment when my hands were on his waist and we were looking right into each other's eyes. I felt a strange feeling in my stomach, his breath on my cheek, and his hand on my neck we stood there in each other's embrace long after the song had ended and I knew I wanted to kiss him. I moved my hands brushing those wild curls that were covering his face, tucked them behind his ear, and started leaning in. Right before our lips could touch, he said my name. I stopped and saw the remnants of the earlier hesitation in his eyes. Thinking I had crossed some line I immediately moved back but he held me by my hand and entwined them.

He said he wanted to show me something and even after seeing it if I wanted to kiss him, I could. I thought it was a weird condition. There is nothing in this world that would ever make me change my mind. So I followed him into his house and there was a kid around five years old sleeping while cuddling a Scooby Doo plushy. I didn't expect that but Harry had already told me he was divorced before he moved here it's just that I didn't know he had a kid.

He kept looking at his kid, as he told me about him. His name is Noah Styles. I think it's a beautiful name. He told me how after his husband was dead in a car accident Noah had been closed off. He used to be a social butterfly just like him. But he doesn't open up easily now. He misses his Dad. I didn't know I had tears in my eyes when Harry led me out of Noah's room into the living room and said, "Single dads aren't allowed to date people like you. Noah is my world. If you want me, you have to accept him too. We come as a package deal." There was a light chuckle but this time I didn't laugh.

I had so many things going around in my mind. I just wanted a normal date. Is this something I am ready for? What if me and Harry don't last will Noah be able to overcome another loss in his life? One look at Harry I knew he had the same worry in his mind. But most importantly, was I ready for this?

For some reason, I knew what I had to do.

So I moved forward tucking my finger under his chin so that he would look at me, and kissed him. His entire face lit up like Christmas lights as he kissed me back. The strange feeling in my stomach returned and my heart was happy.

Some would say I made a brave decision, but only I know I would accept him with any condition because I am a fool for him.

24 December 2018

I don't think I have ever been this nervous before in my life. Harry and I have been dating ever since that night and I am not lying if I tell you these are the best moments of my life. The happiest best moments.

I decided to surprise Harry on Christmas Eve only it wasn't completely a surprise for him but mostly for Noah. In the last month, we talked a lot about him. Harry has told me about all the toys he likes. The plushies he can never sleep without, his best friend at kindergarten. He has one friend actually, he has had trouble making friends. Harry talks about it how worried he is. He told me two days ago, how Noah enjoyed baking with his Dad. So that's when the idea clicked in my mind.

Today will be the first day I will be introduced to him. I think I have never been more scared ever. I mean I did take care of my sisters when I was younger but what if the kids had changed now, do they still like those silly jokes and fairytales? I have been out of touch and I want him to like me.

Noah is a smart kid, with eyes similar to Harry's. He asked me who I was, not to Harry but to me. I didn't know what Harry had told him so I settled on being his friend for the night. We baked cookies together, and we let Noah play with the dough. He was all giggly and thankfully he liked the cookies I had baked. Thank you Mum for the recipe.

29 December 2018

I wanted to invite Noah and Harry for another cooking date just the three of us. But Harry declined saying Noah needs time. He needs time to accept the change. I was a little upset but I knew I had to be understanding and wait for the kid to accept me. It's not easy moving on from someone so close to your heart. God knows that I would fall apart if I were in his place.

***

Note: Just a few more chapters left. Hope you all aren't bored. Let me know if you are.