You Have My Devotion- Zarry

My Home

1st January 2019

We had planned a little new year present for Noah today. Harry always talked about how much he loved those cartoon shows so I arranged a themed party for him. All his friends were invited dressed in costumes from his favorite shows, mickey mouse, SpongeBob, and looney tunes. The expression on his face was priceless. He smiled so hard, those dimples appeared on his face. It really stuns me sometimes, how similar he is to Harry. I myself chose to be scooby doo for the night. He was a little surprised to know that I had arranged all this but he thanked me. We had a lot of fun and I was reveling in the fact that maybe I will be able to occupy a little place in his heart. Until he decided to give me the best gift in return. He hugged me so tight I almost cried. Having him in my arms just brought this feeling of protecting this kid forever.

12 January 2019

Happy 26th to me. I really did cry today. It was not pretty. Noah decided to gift me one of his drawings for my birthday and the tears just started rolling down my eyes just by looking at it. I have it framed on my bedside table. It is a picture of three human beings holding hands and he named them. Harry+Noah+Zayn

I know he will always love Nate, his dad, and as much as Harry told me about him he really was a loving father, and despite separating themselves they had raised the kid well with utmost love.

29 January 2019

Harry was too nervous today, he looked cute. We met my family today, the three of us. Harry+Noah+Zayn

Harry didn't have anything to worry about like I said, my parents and him instantly bonded through the embarrassing pictures of my childhood which I saw Harry taking photos on his phone. He sure is going to tease me later with them. Noah was adored by the entire Malik family, with lots of chocolates and Disney movies. Harry kept eyeing me telling me we are spoiling him but my kid deserves that.

Have I told you I already love my little family just the three of us?

24 February 2019

Baba, that's what he called me today. I am officially a father now. I am probably too overwhelmed to write what I am feeling right about now. To sum it all Harry and Noah are my life now.

17 March 2019

Sometimes I can't tell who between the two of them is a kid. Yesterday was one of the rare occasions when I happened to wake up earlier than Harry. I was at work when I called to check in on Harry. He was sleeping and he had a doctor's appointment for his back problem. So I tried waking him up, and he insisted on the phone that I sing him a song. So, I did.

My home has beautiful eyes
The cutest nose
The prettiest smile

My home somehow makes me feel so whole
My home has the most beautiful face

This was the song that came to my mind. So there I was in the museum singing a song to my dear boyfriend, hoping no one would notice. He started laughing and said, he didn't think I would actually fulfill his demands.

I had to remind him that I have two kids and I need to spoil them both.

18 April 2019

I read Little Red Riding Hood to Noah today and he slept on my chest the entire night. I have never felt so content in my life.

30 May 2019

Harry got to know about me writing about him on these pages. I expected him to be a little angry instead that little brat was too proud having read all these beautiful things about him. He thinks he is the most interesting thing in my life. It's true but I won't accept it yet.

19 June 2019

How long do you think it takes to know if someone really is the one for you? All it took for me was his goddamn smile.

29 July 2019

Like any other day, I woke up to his face in my bed. He was reading Charles Bukowski, concentrated and focused. He just glanced at me once with his heart-touching smile and my heart made a decision. He is the only one my heart wants in all my good and bad times. Only one who makes me smile on a whim, he checks all the boxes in my list of a partner and the weird thing is I didn't even know I had a list before I met him.

28 August 2019

Noah asked me if I would like to move in with him. Both of us were surprised by the question. When we asked if he is sure, he just shrugged a little and said, I want my Dad and Baba to live together too just like the parents of his friends at school.

This time both of us had tears in our eyes.

12 September 2019

Noah read us his essay today, I won't bore you with details so just let me tell you my favorite part of his essay. 'Three is my favorite number because that's how much we are. Me, Dad, and Baba. I love them both so much.'

He loves me. My kid loves me and I think three is my favorite number too.

23 October 2019

Next month it's going to be our first anniversary and I want to celebrate anniversaries like this with him forever.

2 November 2019

Louis was probably irritated but poor soul had no choice but to accompany me on my ring hunt. I want the ring to be perfect for Harry. I want to show him how much I love him.

7 November 2019

I talked to Noah, before actually proposing to Harry. His decision is all that matters, whether he is willing to accept me in his life forever. He said yes, and I could already feel myself being a part of the Styles family.

15 November 2019

I asked Louis to accompany me because I was too nervous and his brilliant idea was to get drunk. I have booked a restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. Today is the day, wish me luck. Today he will be mine and I will be his forever.

The entries stop after that and Zayn knows why they do. He wanted to write in his hospital bed. He had so many thoughts going around in his mind at that time he thought his mind would implode. He sits there until the blank pages of his diary are soaked wet with his tears he knows crying is just a distraction. He is just afraid to accept the truth.

With shaking hands, he clicks on the search button on his laptop and types. Car Accident, 15 November 2019. He enters the street name and almost feels his heart break all over again. As he reads the article.

Two were injured and one dead in the brutal car accident. The survivors were taken to the hospital immediately but they could only save two out of the three.

***

Note: Just one more chapter left. All doubts will be answered. It is what it is.