Zungu descent

Chapter 20

I have been in this position for about three hours, I think and still this Lucas guy is still here , for what ask him.

"I'm now hungry". I complain standing up.

"It's all that crying you have been doing. You really do cry huh". He sits up straight on the bed.

"Obviously I'm human but it's unusual for me to cry meaning this got me bad". I take my phone and go to the Uber eats app to order food. "Must I count you in the food?". I ask him being gentle.

"No". I nod unbothered and continue ordering on my phone. "How do you feel after knowing the truth about him?". I stop tapping on my phone and look at him.

I sight not trying to hurt myself more about this whole situation.

"It's hard, very hard but the funny thing is that his what I've never wanted him to be. A lesson. I never wanted him to be a lesson to me , I don't know what I wanted with Melusi but I loved what I was feeling when I was with him. I loved the fact that for once I was being heard when I'm always speaking. I loved that when I spoke he'd listen to me like I'm the only one in the world, but at the end he hurt me and it fucking hurts , it hurts to let go but I was taught with value; I was taught that someone's marriage is not a game nor a play house but it hurts". I faced the ground , wiping the single tear that fell.

"I like how you honour peoples marriage". I look at this man smiling. "What?". He asks confused

"You are really bad with emotions , really bad. But thank you for listening".

"Yes". I'm not going to sit here and act like I expected him to say much. Sometimes you must come to an acceptance that the people around you are not how you are, I'm talkative but the people around me are not talkative. I sometimes think I tick them off to be talkative.

"Have you loved someone before". I ask looking at him . It's seems like the question hit him with shock because he looks to be thinking

"I have but we didn't work out". Honestly he doesn't seem like the dating person

"How did you do it I mean it's not easy letting go".

"I let go and learned to love her from a distance, I let her figure out her feelings and what she wants for herself , I focused on myself and my goal while giving her space but we both came to a realisation that we are not good for each other. Zungu the heart is a very strange organ , it breaths it's own life and lives on its own , it chooses who it want not caring about the impacts . I never chose to love her but , that's the thing love is one and can stands on it's own but can never be enough". I don't know what to say, honestly you can see his wise but I never though his emotionally wise.

"With this career is it safe?".

"It can never be safe , we are not the same as normal human beings , we are not 9-5 or I have royal duties , we're are code 19 and underground language. We are not regular human beings who takes a daily risk by getting inside the car but we take risks by facing a gun each and every minute of our day. We live with anticipation and open eyes waiting to defeat the enemy , but like normal human being you need something to come back to at home , you want to expand your family , you need a motivation and a weakness which makes you strong".

I admire the man in front of me

"You speak like a true man Lucas and I truly believe you deserve a consistent love , which is peaceful and a love that prioritises you through every season of your life". I smile at him.

"And you deserve a man who sees you worthy of being the only one. You were not born an option and to be second Zungu so don't let that man step on you . Your the daughter of K Zungu don't make him forget that". After saying all that he walks out.

Honestly he is right, I was not born to be second . No one was born to be second , but some prefer to be second but that's the thing I'm not some.

I never wanted to be loved as I wish to be loved now , I want a man who can treat me they way he feels a woman is to be treated with respect and politeness . I want s man who stands his ground as a man . I want a man who is a protecter , leader , advisor , breadwinner, role model, pleaser. I want a man who is a man , who hold himself with dignity.

A man is not justified with his past but his actions, I don't want a man who gets to know me and switches up to be able to be my dream man, I want a man who can make me realise all that I have listed up there is a waste because I have him and he will not try to be all that I have listed.

I once read this thing saying that happiness is not how your house looks like but how you love the people within its walls. And I really felt it . Was I happy within this house . Yes is the answer , I've always been happy in this house . Never have I felt neglected or a burden for my family. I love my mom and dad and I also appreciate them but this is the time they came clean to me about this whole situation . I'm not angry nor mad at them cause I know that they had a reason to do this and that reason might hurt me but I'm willing to sit and compromise with them.

I think it's time I solve my problems one by one but first I have to acknowledge that there is a problem.