Abide » Alden

21. Heal

LAST CHAPTER, WOOOOO

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Paesyn didn't know where she was going when she took off from the gate to Hilltop. She didn't care. She just needed to be away.

Out of every bad thing she had done, this felt the worst. Her memory didn't fully recover, but she did remember enough to figure out what had happened.

Kevlar and Diablo took advantage of her memory loss when they hit her one too many times. She never knew their true intentions for kidnapping her and Callie. But she was sure they changed their plans once they discovered their golden opportunity.

She felt so stupid. So fucking stupid. How could she let this happen? She even fucked them. She began to feel sick.

She stopped her horse and crouched beside a tree. She began to dry heave. Heavy tears began to roll down her cheeks. Her body shook with every breath. She didn't care if her sobs attracted a walker. She began to taste her snot.

"Paesyn!"

She jumped. She immediately shut up, wiping her face. She stood, ready to jump back on her horse. It was Alden. Somehow that made her feel worse. She couldn't face him.

He dismounted his horse and walked over to her.

Paesyn squeezed her teary eyes shut, a tear falling. "Alden..." A small sob escaped her. "I-I'm so... so sorry." She hiccuped.

He wrapped her in a tight hug. "I love you." He held the back of her head, swaying the two of them slightly. "So much."

"I can't go back." Paesyn gave him a final squeeze before leaning out of the hug. She didn't want to let him go.

Alden nodded. "I'm sorry this happened. If I could've just—"

"No." Paesyn shook her head. "It's not your fault."

Alden sighed. "I know. I just wish I could've been there."

"I'm so sorry." Paesyn began to cry again. "I— we— there are..." she put her hands over her face. She didn't want to see Alden's reaction. "I did things with them. I didn't mean to hurt you like this— I wasn't trying to—"

Alden spoke timidly. "What do you mean?" Even softer. "What kind of things?"

"We..." Paesyn's knees were going to give at any moment. She was tempted to give in to gravity and never get back up. "Fucked. A lot." Hearing those words come out of her own mouth was the final straw. She turned and retched into the leaf litter to her left. She didn't stand back up. She couldn't look at him.

Alden didn't say anything at first. His mind reeled as he processed what she had said— what she had done. A fire built in his chest, and he felt like he could explode. He reminded himself that she had amnesia. She couldn't remember what they had together.

"I would have never done anything like that." Paesyn curled in on herself. She had never felt such immense guilt. Not only did she hurt Alden, she hurt Callie, and possibly her mother and other members of Hilltop. They could never trust her again.

Alden didn't know what to do. He'd be lying if he said it didn't affect him. He still loved her, he knew that for a fact. But what he didn't know is how to proceed. What should he say?

"You have every right to hate me." Paesyn whimpered. "I would too." She already did. Long before this happened.

Alden crouched beside her. He rubbed her back slowly. "You could never make me hate you."

"You have to be angry, though. I fucking cheated."

Alden sighed. "What was the last thing you remembered when you were... Breaker?"